Friday, October 11, 2013

My Very First Homosexual Experience (At the Age of 7)

My Very First Homosexual Experience (At the Age of 7)
By: David McGhee


From what I remember, and this can be pretty foggy, but I remember having my first ever homosexual experience when I was like seven or so. Don't worry, this isn't going to be a tale of child erotica (Sorry all you cho-mos out there, better luck next time) but involves me feeling that strange butterfly thingy you get in your stomach when you are around someone who is just absolutely stunning. It's sort of like experiencing Stendhal Syndrome. That is if any of you have ever seen something so beautiful that you're just frozen with awe. It's a pretty powerful feeling to have had. I suggest you look up “Channing Tatum” and “Naked” in a Google images search. If only Jake Gyllenhaal or Edward Norton would ever do the world a favor and do some nude modeling. Mmm... Joseph Gordon Levitt's penis...
Wait? What? Oh yeah, adult erotica, but no kiddie. Okay I'm good to go now. Now, where were we? Oh yeah, that feeling so huge that you almost throw up from being around someone so completely your type.
The day had started like any other, only it was the first day of first grade. I had walked the length of road from our trailer up to the side of the outside lying road. It was definitely a good walk; At this point I was a skinny little critter, so the walk wasn't that bad to and fro. I waited for the bus with great anxiety. No one had the slightest idea that I was autistic. How could you tell? Other than I showed no empathy, was always quiet, obsessed over facts, and for about the first eight years of my life, I would twirl around on my side on the carpet. I was obsessed with spinning myself. But anyways, so yeah. People always gave me the willies.
The bus arrived about five minutes after I had and I got on expecting everyone's eyes to be on me. And to my disappointment, they were. Oh well... I sat in the first seat adjacent to the bus driver. I think it was a female one. I'm pretty sure. Too bad I don't remember anything about her. It was my second year at Chattahoochee Elementary School and from my previous experience, I loved it. But the first day of school sucks whether it's the first day of kindergarten or the first day of graduate school. It doesn't matter.
Too bad I blew my chances on crack. Boo! Boo crack!
Anyways, I had gotten to school and had to be escorted to my room because I had still not learned how to read, write, or arithmetic. The signs on the doors were alien to me. I remember that I will have gotten into a reading program during my tenor as a second grade student, which totally transformed me on an intellectual level. Once I could read I read anything I could. I had a college reading level in first grade. Beat THAT Einstein!
What?
Oh... He did, did he? Pfft. The Theory of Relativity my ass! I'd like to see him develop a theory of my bunghole! Am I right girlfriends?
Of course I am. When I got to the right class room I was immediately taken aback at how much bigger the other kids were compared to me. I've always been small. And once I started that horrible anti-psychotic Risperdal I ballooned up to nearly three hundred pounds. I didn't even hit puberty until I was like sixteen! Although considered all the medications I was on I supposed that could have hendered my growth a bit? But then again my father was five six until he was twenty one, then he grew to five eleven. My final height was at twenty six at five foot seven. I can't complain because at least my younger brother is the same height. No taller brother syndrome for David.
Although my older half brother Jimmy is like six foot one. I suppose... I don't know. I'm not a geneticist! Stupid people and their people stuff... Dick. Insert dick. What? Hello!
I found myself looking at the boys and not paying attention to anything female. Sure I liked the teacher because she was a short portly woman who acted nice and did nice things to me. I remember this one girl named Stacy. Man she was a bitch when we first knew each other. She was a rich girl and such so we didn't get along. Although I was friends with the other students and they all lived in mini mansions lined along the road outside my little lonely trailer in the woods? I don't know. I suppose it was because young girls were a little bit frightening to me. They just seemed foreign and shit. I can't explain it. Maybe it was like when a straight guy first interacted with... Wait. I suppose I wasn't that unusual after all?
But there was one kid in particular. I think his name was Josh? But I know I'm not correct. Anyhoo, his name was Josh and he was a lot taller and skinnier than I was. He had the coolest smile and his eyes were a very pretty light shade of blue. His blonde hair was short and spiked a he was really nice to me for a few seconds.
After a week I couldn't take it just staring at him all the time, I had to become his friend. So I walked up to him during computer lab and asked for his phone number. He willingly gave it to me and the next day we were hanging with each other. I was dropped off at his place and he had a wonderful place at that. I was too young to understand anything about money and wealth, but I remember being in complete awe at the sheer amazingness of their modern electronics (Well, modern 1991).
The first thing I noticed about his room was his Sega Genesis laying on top of his dresser next to his extravagantly large color TV. I remember he laughed at my complete and utter knowledge for video games outside of Nintendo but he was cool about it too. He let me play Sonic the Hedgehog and... Actually this is the part of the story where things go bad, in typical David fashion.
I wound up nearly beating the game in one sitting. I died only like twice during my run as well. He was taken aback by my ability to navigate the game. I remember he made his brother and mother come into the room to see me go. But after so much he wanted it back. I gave it to him of course. But he was never the same towards me again.
I don't think I said or did anything weirder than normal? But if I had to peg it and show it as proof that people are born gay, I'd say this was the first time I really got excited over another boy. He made me feel like I wanted to live with him and be his shadow. He was just so cool in my eyes and it physically hurt to be around him. Perhaps my parents (and his) were aware of this and that's why we weren't allowed to see each other again...
I am always at a loss as to what I've done to make someone leave me. I do this all the time. I can't believe I have found such a great partner in Frank and friends in Erin, Drew, and Torvald. So it's all cool now. But I never really had any friends until I moved to Colorado.
I remember the second time a boy made me shiver... His name was Nate and this was in high school too. I went to Duluth Middle School in Duluth Georgia up until I was eighteen. Ha ha... I never even drunk liquor until I was like twenty, so I wasn't one of the cool kids. I had bad social anxiety and I was crammed into the special ed department. I remember there being a mean (at the time I thought she was mean, I really wish I could thank her now for my love of science, but I'm sure she's dead now.) teacher named Mrs Gray (or Grey?). The name with the bill because she had a short cut head of curly gray hair. She even had those librarian glasses too. She was the whole school teacher package.
Anyways, there was also this obscenely attractive girl in the same class as Zack and me and I always remembered them talking about driving in his car and making out. I always thought of Zack being all big and tall and skinny and attractive and going to town on the girl. I don't know why but I pictured myself as Zack when masturbating. I still do that, pretend to be someone else. You know... Because I'm short fat and ugly as sin. At least that's what my Body Dysmorphic stuff is telling me anyways.
Stupid ugly person me!
You fat bastard!

I wrote this song a while ago. It's pretty catchy and I wish I had a recording of it. I suppose when I get my student loans I could record it. So then it shall be.


Green and Sober
By: David McGhee


Things have been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so fucking happy, I could cry a lot


Maybe this is life and maybe this is my lot


Things have been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so freaking ecstatic, I just shit myself


Maybe this is my life and this here is my lot
Maybe these things are all I've got
Maybe I could die of embarrassment


I don't wanna be myself
I wanna be someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just fall away
Into the sea where no one needs me


Things have been so much better since I've been sober
I'd give a fuck but I cry too much


Maybe this is my life and maybe this is my lot


Things have been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so fucking happy I could kill myself


Maybe this is my life and this here is my lot
Maybe these things are all I've got
Maybe I could die of embarrassment


I don't wanna be myself
I wanna be someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just fall away
Into the sea where no one needs me


Why do we always ruin our lives?
When we're happy?
I wanna feel just the same
Why do we always do it to ourselves?
To be happy?
It just doesn't feel the same
I know that what I have is all that I'll ever get
I know that what I have is all that I'll ever get
And I know that what I have is all that I'll ever get
And I know that my hatred for myself rests in the same bed


Things have been so much better
Things have been so much better
Things have been so much better
Things have been so much better


I don't wanna be myself
I wanna be someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just fall away
Into the sea where no one needs me


It's an older song really. I can't wait to record it. Ever see the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles? Yeah. So have I. Well... That's about everything I can think of for now. Until next time you sexy, sexy men and woman you!
Smiley face.

El, oh, el.

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