Monday, May 30, 2011

Get your ass in gear people!

Who to believe here? Michael Chricton who is a doctor in medicine or scientists who are doctors in geology, meteorology, biology, and environmental sciences?

Gee... Tough question. I'll give it to Chricton though, his data seems correct when you search for it. Although his book "State Of Fear" was written in 2002-2003 and published in 2004 and there was little proven theory and developed tests to make an more accurate theory back then. Or the fact that most of the strikingly significant global warming trends started in late 2005-2006 doesn't mean that he was full of bullshit. Well it does in retrospect but he was just going by what the majority of scientists at the time made public. And the ones with the most clout were ones funded by big businesses. Tons of new environmental agencies and such have opened up since then and hired their own scientists on the subject.
I know what you are thinking. They are biased to their employer. But weren't the scientists that made the initial confirmations? I know for a fact that we are not due for another ice age for almost 80,000 years because it's been only 20,000 years since the last one and according to geological surveys it happens roughly every 100,000 years. So that theory is horse dung. Just like one way to prove evolution is true is to check the fossils against the strata in which it was discovered, you can check for this shit by not only looking at that but by doing ice surveys in Antarctica (the ice there is up to six miles deep!) by checking plant fossilization records in which you analyze carbon content of the fossil (more snow means less sunlight meaning more carbon and less oxygen from photosynthesis).
I honestly only know about the mounds of scientific data that is accumulating and surpassing the contrary ideology since Katrina and the recent significant warming trends of the past five years.
What am I doing about it? Making it known to take a fucking bus when you need to go downtown (parking sucks anyways and it's so damn expensive!) or using tap water for drinking water (a plastic bottle every time you drink? Shit!) or taking showers that are less than three to five minutes (You're in there to clean yourself, not to fucking jack off!) or not eating fast food (sure they switched to using paper containers... Billions and billions served folks!) using email and switching all bank, insurance, and medical statements to online notifications (who uses the mail anymore for anything other than shipping things? Which by the way, ground is a better way to go seeing as jet fuel is ten times more polluting than standard gasoline) and other ways that I am forgetting about right now... They'll come to me.
I'm not perfect but it's not a bad thing to strive for. I believe that this is a generational thing that will see the most effects when the youth of today are adults and in power. Did you know that nearly sixty to seventy percent of politicians still believe in God and reject climate change because of both money being poured into their campaigns and the fact that they don't believe that God would allow the righteous to suffer on a global scale? (Hello Ted Haggard / Mitt Romney!) The kids being scared today will grow up and kill off these dinosaurs better than any comet could have done. Although if that's what it takes then there are ways to direct those things toward Washington via gravitational pull by specifically designed satellites...
Did you know that global warming isn't just a recent thing? Scientists now estimate that it began nearly two to five thousand years ago when we started cultivating the land. All those trees cut down resulted in massive amounts of carbon dioxide being released into the air. Trees eat that shit so of course when you cut them down and pulp them it's going to release the stuff that hasn't been formed into oxygen (Which by the way, was a poisonous gas to most life forms three billion years ago, resulting in the first mass extinction scientists now theorize. Although albeit it was all mostly bacteria and single celled or mono celled organisms or free floating RNA / DNA. The more you know) In fact they estimate that this released tons more carbon than all the cars in the world combined at any given time. I say this because it's relative to the time we started cutting them down to the time we started industrialization.
If your only info comes from celebrities and An Inconvenient Truth then you aren't getting the whole picture. Google Steven Schneider or Panel For Climate Change (something like that) and you'll not only get some good info, but links to more good info.
It's fucking stupid to think we can change anything in our lifetime (unless micro technology and medicine allow us to be immortal or damn near it within twenty to forty years as predicted) but we can start the domino effect that our children and our children's children will benefit from (not to mention future generations of cute little kittens! Do you really want them to suffer?)
It's stupid to pray to a God who may or may not exist to fix the problem. We got ourselves into this and we damn sure gotta get ourselves out of it. Just like an addict owning up to his problem. If he never started in the first place he wouldn't be in rehab now would he?

~David McGhee

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Post two of two; Why I am not afraid of death.

I remember being around nine years old. I had asked the question whether or not cats went to heaven. The Sunday school teacher said that it was only a place reserved for God's chosen. I then asked why on Earth did God create animals if he didn't care about them? I was then told that the reason for animals being on Earth was for man's enjoyment. I think my faith wavered a little at that point. Something had shifted. I loved my cat. Why didn't God love him the way that I did?
Fast forward to my first suicide, I remember being in the psych ward and having a chaplain explain to me that if you committed suicide then you were committing a sin. I asked him why would God make me suicidal and she told me that this was a choice, not a determination. From there I started to investigate the human mind. I must remind you that I am in no way a trained psychologist, so my musings are purely of my own accord. Mind you that I've been in the mental health system since I was about ten, so I feel I've gathered enough info to make an informed opinion.
The first of the falters was learning that there was such things as chemical imbalances. My initial thought was "Why would God make people have problems that he himself deplored?" It was beyond my grasp, and the start of my atheism.
I went on unadulterated though. I still went to church and took communion like a good little boy. Even thought my intellect was starting to far outreach that of my Sunday school teacher. Things like "Why don't we have genetic defects if we came from two people, and then from one family after the flood?" Oh man... They didn't like that. Another one I remember was asking whether or not it was OK to kill a lot of people when the bible said not to kill. When the Sunday school teacher said that it was not I kindly pointed out that Judges is nothing but Genocide. I was then referred to talk with my parents, who did not approve of me undermining the class.
During my teen years I was enthralled with my depression, so much that I deplored God for letting me get this way. I prayed to him every day to lift it, was I not good enough for him to heed my calls? Apparently not. I was told that God made everyone for a reason. Was mine to be made purely for suffering? I couldn't understand why a loving God would let somebody fall like that.
I tried religion again when I was in my twenties. I went to this youth group called The Edge and I was taken aback by the niceness of the crowd. They seemed to accept me. That is of course until I tried to sing for them. Mind you I was not a good singer before training. Instead of telling me that I should receive lessons these people told me to stop trying at all. What was God like in that? When I did learn how to sing they changed their tune and told me I was brilliant. What a contradiction there is there....
I remember my first suicide attempt in Colorado. I did it and was completely alone by the time I was admitted. In fact the only friends who visited me were atheists. I wondered to myself why would people who did not believe in God want to visit somebody who was trying to kill themself? I was told that since our time is short, we should value life. And thus was the beginning of my true atheism. I still remember Wendy giving me a copy of the first Harry Potter book and kissing me on the forehead.
I started thinking. Why couldn't I control these impulses? Shouldn't a creature of God be able to distinguish between right and perceived wrong? I was repulsed by the idea that God knew the past, present, and future. Therefore he knew what I was going to be even before I was born. Did we really have free will then? Did we really choose our own destiny? If we chose to kill ourselves then why would we be sentenced to hell if he already knew of our fate? Wouldn't a loving God intervene? I asked him many times to, but he listened as well as one of my previous counselors. I never got so much as a sign when I took said bottle of Tylenol.
I began to seek out alternatives to religion. The one that made the most sense was Atheism. I can't tell you why it made me feel better. By all intense and purposes it should make you feel worse. Evolution happened and God played no part in creation, at least no God we could comprehend. The more I read up about science the more at ease I felt. I was comforted in the idea that we are not special. That we shared almost ninety percent of our DNA with every living life form on Earth. That if we were to arisen spontaneously, then what about the trillions of other planets in the universe? A trillion is almost too much for a computer to comprehend, let alone the human mind. What made us so special? It was that that made me feel unique. I was the result of a sperm and egg, out of thousands, to have made me into a human.
Who knows? Anti abortionists talk about the potential of a zygote, but what about the guy who jacks off and wastes millions of sperm on a tissue? What about the girl who menstruates and ejects a valuable egg? It doesn't make sense! Why stop there? Why not outlaw masturbation? Why not outlaw menstruation? You can't. I doubt that many creationist fundamentalists ever think about this. Who can outlaw a normal human process?
I think the thing that has stopped me from committing suicide better than any "God loves you!" rhetoric has to have been the idea that this is our only stop. Once you die, that's it. No light, no afterlife, no nothing. I found solace in Richard Dawkins' book "The God Delusion" when I could find none in the bible. Believe me, I've tried. I remember being in jail and reading it page for page. My thing was that if God made us who we are, then why was I a junky? He knew before hand when making me that my life would end up this way, then why would he have even given me life knowing it would be so fucked up?
I am not set out to convert people. This is only my personal revelation (Ha!) on the subject. I no longer fear death because while I do not believe in God I do believe in fate. When and if I die it shall be of death's own time and not God's. If God truly cared about everyone then why would he administer such suffering as part of our existence? If we suffered already then why allow a place like Hell to exist? He certainly has the power then why not the chutzpah?  If he loved us so much then why would he allow an entity like Satan to exist? He is all knowing and all powerful, why allow such a thing to corrupt us men and women?
The universe is indifferent. Once you let go of God and realize this then you will harbor no ill will towards life in itself. It doesn't care about who you are or who you are born to. Many of the royals were born into a life that was plagued by inadequacies resulting from inbreeding. Did they ask to be hemophiliacs? No. They may have been born privileged but they certainly didn't ask to die if they got a minor cut. Such things are arguments for God's existence.
I believe that when I die I will feel nothing. I've been through a coma. It was like blinking one minute and opening my eyes the second. Only thing was that a week had passed and I felt nothing. It was a blink to me. Death to me is like this blink, only it never ends. You won't know you are dead. It's been proven that even the light in the tunnel you experience is that of your brain shutting down. I've experienced this and thought nothing more of it than what it was. A brain defect.
I'm sorry if I don't offer consolation to those who have died. I want nothing more than for people to be happy. My only offering is that the dead felt nothing. They are in peace because they feel nothing. Death is a part of life and only an idealist would consider the idea of somebody living past their bodies. Is that so bad? I mean, you wouldn't even know! You'd be dead!
In closing, is it really so horrible to die? The dead feel nothing. You will always have your memories, so will the people who come after you. When you think of it you have been dead billions of years before you came into existence, why would it bother you that you wouldn't exist for a billion more? We are only on this Earth for a little bit of time. Make the most of it because it's the only life we have.
I will leave now just saying this. If we are truly autonomous in this life, then why waste it on thinking that a man upstairs (It in of itself is egocentric thinking that it would be a he) would care about what you do in your bedroom? I am homosexual and I honestly can't help the way I feel. I've tried to sleep with girls but it really felt like the pieces didn't fit. I remember my first consensual homosexual experience as being one of dread and fear. Why did it feel so damn right if it was so horribly wrong in God's eyes? This was before I learned of the hormone Adrogen that was introduced during the embryos first stages. This was before I learned of the psychological factors that played a role in it. I was a scared young twenty one year old who only knew that it felt right. Why would God make me feel so right doing something that he himself deplored? Later I learned about how most of the mammal species exhibited the same behavior. Why would God give no free will to animals yet allow them to fuck another one of their own gender? Animals know no different. Why would he condemn such an act if he himself gave them no right to do so?
I am not afraid of death because I am not afraid of God's judgment. It's as simple as that. When you let go of him then you let go of centuries of being told what to do. Do what feels right, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone. After all, we only have a short time on this Earth. Why not make it pleasant for everyone around us? :-)

~David McGhee

First of two new posts.

So it seems that my internet connection has been severed. Who knew that paying the bill was so important? I am currently sending you this through the wifi provided by Starbucks. Whether or not they will kick me out due to my non purchase use has yet to be seen.
I used to work at Starbucks. Did you know that? I remember this cool tall blond guy and these two little girls that worked with me. The tall blond guy was catholic and I was borderline out of the closet. Only close friends knew. Actually only people who were gay knew. Like this other guy who used to come in and get coffee. Him and his female boss. I used to comp them all the time.
I wish I remembered the names of these people. The two girls, one was a taller white girl with long brown hair and the other was a short Hispanic lady. The white girl would talk to me about books while the shorter one would converse about matters of the local music scene. Fun times.
I wish I wasn't the way I am. I feel as if I am incapable of feeling for others. I am selfish and I tend to think about myself more than necessary. This doesn't mean that I don't observe people though. I can do that very, very well.
Take my ex best friend for example. His parents divorced when he was young and his brother was a delinquent. From talking to him and having him open up I assume that he had tried to patch things up with his parents but that did not work. Therefore he developed a psychosis where he felt that he had nothing good to say, so he just decided to say nothing at all.
I wanted friendship and affection from him. I suppose I was in the wrong to expect so much from another human being as hurt as I am, even if he doesn't see it.
We are currently not talking. The sharpest pain in recent memory was when he denied my friend request on Facebook. How sad is that? I thought we were so close but I suppose we were always like oil and water. I would float to the surface and talk too much and expect it in return while he just stayed on the bottom, not communicating and content to live out his life in mediocrity.  He has so much to offer but he doesn't want to do the work. Sometimes I feel like that then I get motivated and I go on a kick for a little while before settling back down into a debilitating depression.
I am not skinny to the point where I'd be happy.
I am not tall like the friends and lovers I acquire.
I am not as smart as I'd like to be.
Other physical attributes could be more robust.
I'm getting better at accepting these things but without any friends it's pretty hard to go through life without any encouragement. I certainly don't get it from my father. The little bit I do get comes from this girl Alecia. But I feel sometimes that it's a friendship of convenience.
I want to be with my bigger brother and hang out with my niece Amber, but because of her and my father this is not possible. I do not want to jeopardize my housing situation by reaching out to them. My own family. Sometimes I feel as if I am older and more mature than my father.
I remember the time I told him he was being childish. He then turned around and told me that if he was being childish then he would shut off the power, which is in his name. Nice going Dad. Bastard.
I still love him, just not the idea of him.
Does that make sense?
I have been thinking a lot about one of the best relationships I've ever had. His name was Sean and he was just perfect in every way. Not just physically mind you, but emotionally and intellectually as well! He brought me to the museum for a date! How cool is that? Plus he was very gentle and I felt like I was safe with him. Normally bigger guys scare me but I felt good in his arms.
I miss him so much. I wish I wasn't too much for him, as I normally am...

I'd give anything to be in someone's arms right now.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Ain't that a b*tch?

OK. This post is pretty much the same as the one I posted on the My Chemical Romance website. But it really captures where I'm at right now so I suppose anyone who has a problem with it can just eat my dirty socks..

Although I will give you something special for reading this. No it's not money nor a hug, it's actually a heart felt love letter to those in power.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
And conservative Republicans can just go suck a f*ck!

I've been a fan of My Chemical Romance for sometime now and I can say with all honesty that the song "Sing" has forever been etched into my mind. It will forever remind me of this guy whom I used to let crash on my couch because he was homeless. He was a college graduate and made REALLY good money, but drugs got in the way and things just sort of fell apart.
I remember finding my old radio and turning it to the local alternative station and Sing came on. He told me that it was the new MCR song and I dunno... I guess I sort of fell in love with the guy from then on.

Last I heard he left for home back in Chicago. I wish him the best and hope to see him again one day... Hopefully we'll both be on track with life and sober.

One can only hope. I'd love to go off on the Greyhound with him again and just ride all the way to nowhere. As long as he's there to talk to me I'll be alright...

In other areas of my life things are going OK I suppose. I just got my first review for my ebook One More Suicide over at and the person who reviewed it was pretty callous. He / she bashed my grammatical skills yet he misspelled "Sentence" and told me to "get this through and editor or something." I mean, is this really the kind of people who hold the power to give my work star ratings? Come on! Grrr..... Anyways. I've been getting lots of fan letters from people who say that they actually like my book. One said that he's showing it off to his psych class so that's pretty cool.

I've also been able to salvage my website from the scrap yard. I found all of my old files and was finally able to update the darn thing. Hopefully it will get cooler as time goes by. My HTML is a little shaky though.

Still no fella to come over on a regular basis and have tea with me. I suppose I'll just have to keep up on them dating sites until I snag a tall handsome guy with a car and a penchant for sushi. Man I could go for some sushi right now...

Does anyone else feel like their heart will stop beating soon because it works too damn much as it is? I'm always paranoid it will give up and give out on me. Like Richard Dawkins I am an Atheist. I don't believe in an afterlife but I still care for every living thing on this green and blue Earth. That's one of the many misconceptions people have about us.

That and we eat babies. I don't know about you but I hear they're tough and rubbery anyways so who would want to ingest something like that? I mean, whatever! Come on!

I think I need to go before I make a fool out of myself. Just saying hi and don't forget to brush your teeth. I made this mistake and I had to have four back wisdom teeth removed because they were so neglected. No big deal though, got some good pain meds out of the deal.

OK... I'll shut up now.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sorry for neglecting this!!!

Hey all! This is David and I'm finally back with a computer that works. So much has happened since I last posted.

For one I went through a horrible relapse that was just... Well... I made a friend out of it at least. Although he's no longer in my life I still enjoyed the times I was with him. I went to Vegas with the guy and blew a lot of money but I had fun. Even though the time was spent being high and playing bingo, ha ha!

I still have yet to start my treatment but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I finished my book! You can now buy One More Suicide as an Ebook on either or at
If you enter this code then it's half off: MC98B

Although I'd prefer you bought it from because they keep track of their sales.

In other news I got myself a roommate! Her name is Alecia and she has two wonderful little daughters! It's nice having the company, especially after being alone for so long.

Until next time I suppose. :-)