Interview with Brandon Pirkle
By: David McGhee
Brandon Pirkle is an up and coming tattoo model from Austin, Texas. And as they say, everything is bigger in Texas! Well it sure is true for this 6'2” hottie! Although I have yet to inquire about his junk (I was told that that is not what straight people like to talk about) so instead I just comfort him with the reassurance of female boobies.
up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!
Now that he's at ease, Brandon has agreed to talk to me about all things Brandon Pirkle! At least I hope he does. He doesn't know about this yet... But here it is!
Brandon: by the way, im from Lewisville, Texas lol
David: Shut up! Now for the questions you hot mother fucker you!
*all grammatical errors are Brandon's. Just thought you should know that.*
1: Is the Brandon Pirkle seeing anyone at the moment? If so, would she share?
Brandon: Nope, havent found her yet.
2: You like skating. I suck at skating. What advice would you give to someone who annually breaks his collarbone?
Brandon: Dont land on your collarbone. lol Land in your ass instead so that you dont break your collarbone haha
David: Easier said than done.
3: Tell us about your tattoos. Like the one on your neck. I think that's your signature look, the neck tattoo.
Brandon: its just all shit that ive learned about life. each of my tattoos have meaning (to me) and my throat one is all about spiritualism
4: What made you decide to do something so permanent?
Brandon: tattooing was just gnarly as fuck so ever since like 16 i wanted to be covered
5: Was modeling something you've always done or did it come with the tattooing skater style you manifested for yourself?
Brandon: it definitely came along with the whole tattooing/skating package so it worked out pretty rad
6: Do you color your hair?
Brandon: Nope, i used to do it black sometimes when i was younger though
7: What's your kind of girl? And be specific! You know... Hair, eyes, height, depth of cervix?
Brandon: Im picky as FUCK when it comes to what im looking for in a girl so i have this down to a point. Blonde or brunette, blue/green/ or hazel eyes, tallER but not taller than me, and right in that happy medium of "thick" and "skinny".
8: What size shoe do you wear? Is there anyone brand that makes your feet happier than others?
Brandon: Size 9, all i wear is either Vans or Toms
9: Give me a picture of your feet. Don't think about it. Just do it!
Brandon: My fucked Skater feet
10: Would you ever go back to school on the PELL grant? That's how I got into college. What would you study?
Brandon: I would never go back to school. School can suck my nuts
11: Do you shave your manly body hair or do you manscape?
Brandon: i shave my arms and chest to keep the tattoos looking good and then i manscape as well (of course)
12: What kinds of music do you like? Any favorite bands?
Brandon: i mostly listen to Metal. My favorite band of all time is Suicide Silence. But the OLD Suicide Silence with Mitch Lucker as the Vocalist before he passed away. Not this new replacement bullshit. Rest In Piece Mitch.
13: You seem a little anti-government to me. Do you believe that we will all be eating each other's flesh and we'll suffer a catastrophic economic downturn and all of us will be living Mad Max style someday soon? Because that would be cool. I'd totally be in your posse!
Brandon: Im very anti government. Always have been since i understood government at a young age. and i doubt it would ever get to that point but if it ever did that would be pretty rad. good thing i play lots of Call Of Duty Zombies for practice lol
14: Do you do anything cool? Like smoking or beating chickens to death?
Brandon: The only chicken i beat to death is the one i choke everyday. And nahh all i really do is skate, get tattooed, and chill. since im still trying to get the modeling career kicked off its a lil slow as far as work goes but its gettin there.
15: Omnivore? Herbivore? Or vegan? And explain your answer. I SAID EXPLAIN!!!
Brandon: Isnt Herbivore and Vegan the same shit?.. haha i think you meant Omnivore, Carnivore, or Vegan. lol anyways im a Omnivore, the only meat i really eat is light meat like fish and chicken, and then i also eat alot of fruits and salads
David: That's a Pescatarian... Well, if you'd only eat fish and veges / fruits, which would of made it easier to classify you.
16: Are your parents still together or have they split up or are did they go MIA back in Naam?
Brandon: My parents split up when i was in the 9th grade. Mom got remarried and the Pops got a girlfriend
17: What do you like to do for fun that isn't skating and makin' bacon with hotties you freaking manwhore?
Brandon: When did i ever make bacon with hotties? i dont even remember the last time i fuckin ate bacon?.. lol but anyways, other than skating i love playing Zombies on Call Of Duty (Black Ops 2), i like getting tattooed, making youtube videos, going out with friends, and just planning on how im gunna get my ass out to Cali haha it keeps me motivated everyday
18: Give a shout out to your favorite ice cream here!
Brandon: Shoutout to chocolate ice cream with M&Ms, Oreos, Reeses, Kit Kats, Chocolate Chips, Snickers, and a Strawberry on top cause you gotta make that shit healthy
19: Would you ever consider getting a golden grille for your teeth?
Brandon: Oh, you mean like these?
Not so Little Wayne.
20: I'm out of questions... But before we depart, do you want to say anything to my tens of hundreds of readers? Anything you wanna get off your chest? Like perhaps your undying love of fall scented candles or something?
Brandon: Ummmm, hi, Im Brandon, and in a past life i was some sort of Soup-Based Food. Ps: I Love You All
And that concludes our date with Brandon. Unfortunately he did not invite me up for a night cap. So fuck him! That's right! Fuck you Brandon Pirkle!