Thursday, July 26, 2012

Days Go By

After listening to the new offspring record for about two weeks straight I’ve actually grown quite bored with it… I love those guys but this album just didn’t click for me. Sure it’s mostly punk rock but it’s the poppy and out of style tracks that stick out the most.

The Future Is Now – It has speed, it has pizzazz, but it’s utterly forgettable.

Secrets From the Underground – Again, all shine but no substance. And since when was Dexter ever part of the underground? He grew up a rich white good looking jock; there isn’t anything underground about him.

Days Go By – I’m surprised the Foo Fighters haven’t sued these guys yet.
Turning Into You – I’ve already forgotten how it goes, but I’m sure he’s talking about turning into a large penis.

Hurting As One – Do you know pain Dexter? Like real pain? Ever wake up in a flea bag motel next to a junkie transvestite prostitute covered in your own excrement? Actually that would make him pretty hardcore.

Cruising California – SELLOUT TRACK! Yet it’s catchier than Avian Flu. The pre chorus sizzles with pretty girl voices and the chorus is so dumb it’s brilliant! It’s definitely a song you love to hate.

All I Have Left Is You – This is actually a pretty good song despite it being a power ballad. It has pianos and melodic solos all throughout, plus Dexter tries to sing low and it’s actually pretty. A definite panty dropper.

OC Guns – I really don’t want to like this song but the chorus is almost worth the effort to sit through it. Almost.

Dirty Magic – One of my favorite tracks from their second album “Ignition” gets a do over and added balls. I still like the original but this is obviously just so they can play it live now and have people recognize it. As a musician myself I know how strong the urge is to remake older songs. This time it came out great!

I Wanna Secret Family With You – The chorus is so fucking retarded and catchy that you’ll find yourself singing it to other people on the bus ride home and / or annoying your friends with it. At least that’s what I’ve done…

Dividing By Zero – This is like first album Offspring. Very fast and on the verge of speed metal. Great song!
Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell – Musically this song is completely boring. It’s the same four chords over and over again with no variation. Catchy as hell though, but if you are looking for stand out musicianship then you best go somewhere else.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Where's your God now?

Why not celebrate this 4th of July by putting yet another nail into the coffin of Fundamentalist ideals. One common argument for us atheists is usually either “Creation scientists have proof though!” or “If there is no God, then how did everything come to be?” And the answer my friends is literally out of thin air! You see, Scientists believe that at the very spark of the big bang there was nothing but energy and primitive raw particles that would wind up decaying into the original hydrogen. But hydrogen without mass is nothing at all. We now believe that this Higgs Boson particle (AKA: The God Particle) appeared in a trillionth plus more of a second after the big bang and decayed into particles giving mass to everything.
                I’m sure I’m not 100% spot on but I think the general gist is there though.

Monday, July 2, 2012

The Pillizi Project

Hey girls!
Just me sittin’ here Tweeting Snookie. I wonder if she has a sense of humor? I suppose I’ll find out soon enough. I plan to achieve a response without going within the realms of bad taste. I’m a gentleman and I’m gay which makes me unintimidating in the fairer sex’s eyes.
I don’t know what Snookie’s eyes are colored. I would look it up but I’m at school and don’t want THAT showing up on their search history! You know what I mean? It was like the time Justin Beiber turned eighteen and I searched to see if he’d grown any since the last year. Nope. Still short. I’m short too but I’m taller than Justin Beiber.
That’s what I’m going to put in my request to attend Harvard one day! “It’s not like I’m Justin Beiber sized!” I’ll be saying in every interview. Maybe Yale would have a taste for my dry / absurdist humor; Perhaps Oxford, where I’ll study under the great evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, who will laugh and tendle and trudle and trossel over my rendition of an Irish man with low self-esteem and way too much booze.
                It ends with a gun shot.
                And that’s the gag!