Tuesday, April 9, 2013

The Kill Switch is Engaged and I’d Move if I Were You

Woke up early and took a shower before night fall
I picked up a box of condoms at the store because
                                You just never know
This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

Watching time melt around me and I’m a little concerned with space
                You see
                                Einstein had it all wrong
Anything moving at the speed of light would surely kill us all
This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

I hear her knock, knock, knocking at my door
                I grab my cricket bat and rush to the door
She was so beautiful, like a pretty and naïve
This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Her eyes see through my blueberry colored eyes
                Like imperfect blood diamonds
I raise my cricket bat and smack her down on the ground
She begs me to stop but I just can’t
                She entices me like no other lover can
This is what being horny must feel like
This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Another smack!
And another!
Until she resembles my mother on her wedding night
This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

My rise to awesomeness!

            When I was about sixteen, I sent out a demo to Blackheart Records and I actually got a reply! Though sadness soon sank in because once I heard what my voice sounded like, I didn’t want to sing that way anymore. So I tried being more manly, which resulted in me being waaaaaaaaaaaaay off key most of the time. My only saving grace was that I could scream, but screamo is for bitches so…
            I came to Colorado when I was about eighteen and tried to form a band here, which was unsuccessful for about four years. When I finally did get things together I was disappointed at the lackluster response my songs were getting. I thought they were good. Well recorded and such. But something was missing I suppose. But what was it?
            Honestly I have no idea. I remember making a demo on a four track and it was just me and John, the drummer for Ginkins. That demo was The Milkshakes first ever recording. It was just a joke that we did while we were drunk, but when I showed it to people they told me that they actually liked those songs. For another year I sort of just had to mend myself from the break-up of Ginkins. Then one day I found a drummer from another local band and he agreed to play with me. So I called up Brian from Uneven studio and set a date and time to record some songs as a duo.
            Honestly it started out as a joke band. It was making fun of the hipster scene and the sound of it. I didn’t even have enough songs to fill an album, so I just made up about five of them on the spot. We basically recorded live and only overdubbed one vocal track (two on a few of them, but not something so dramatic as to take away from the first track). In about three hours it was recorded and mastered and I had something to show people now. It just took off locally. It was insane!
            I know a lot of bands are used to playing for a packed house but not me. I was dumbfounded at how many people were starting to show up for the shows. We even got reviews in the Westword and a few other magazines. I think one of them was a call girl list with music reviews? It was cool.
            But it didn’t last. I weirded out the drummer, Fez, and I got way into heroin.
            It’s sort of funny how I never made a song about using heroin. Maybe I just feel like it’s not something to write about, although it would fit the style I suppose?
            After about five years I resurfaced and recorded some solo songs. It was cool but I would have really liked a drummer to play with then. No worries though. Because I have a new boyfriend and guess what? He’s a drummer! So we’re going to get together and see what happens as soon as I get another guitar. My friend Gary said he’d learn how to play bass, which is cool because I’d really like to include him in on it.
            So expect it soon. Still writing my book on evil republicans. I need to update this blog more often huh?
            I’ll try to keep up. I promise.