Monday, October 21, 2013

Interview with Little Fyodor (Of the Little Fyodor and Babushka variety)

Interview with Little Fyodor (Of the Little Fyodor and Babushka variety)
By: David McGhee

I remember the first time I saw Little Fyodor I thought to myself 'What the hell!?' And when I was over that shock I immediately thought 'Is he human?' And finally I came to 'Holy fuck! This is so punk rock!'
I remember him and Babushka taking me in when I was too scared to face my father at home. They gave me soup for Christ's sake! I mean, what the fuck!?
So to get me some pay back for all the things I didn't do for them, I am making him answer my questions. Twenty questions to be exact.
And if he doesn't deliver then I'll probably just download his music for free. After all, I deserve that much out of this relationship.
I'd face fuck that!

1: Is your name really Fyodor? That's so Jewish! In my reality, it really is. Though in reality, Russians hate Jews (especially Dostoevsky)!
2: Did you know that every time you jack off you're killing six million Jews? That makes you worst than Hitler! Sins of the flesh. Hitler couldn't resist, and neither can I!!
3: When did you start playing the geetar? When I was twelve. That was so long ago I only remember false memories of it.
4: What brand of geetar do you use? What color and type and model and manufacture. And if you could give me the serial code, that would be greeeeeaaaat. I play two geetars. The one my Mommy bought me when I was twelve is a Kalamazoo, what Creedence Clearwater Revival sang about the poorboys twanging the rhythm out on. Then in a similar act of charity, my Walls Of Genius bud Ed sold me his 1974 Stratocaster for cheap. Cool shit.
5: Do you really believe that you deserve love? Not inherently. But I've sold my soul for it, that's why I deserve it, dammit!!
6: When you drink beer, what kind of ice cream would you eat afterwords? I've seen ice cream made from beer. Good shit!
7: It's twenty, twenty, twenty four hours to go. Do you wanna be sedated? I'm either under or over. Oh to be the Buddha!!
8: How did you learn to sing... Like THAT!? You don't learn insanity like this, buddy boy. It's just doing what comes naturally.
9: Do the world a favor AND SHOW US YOUR MANLY FEET!!!
They just ooze manly! (among other substances)

10: If two wood chucks chucked wood and the other two just polished their nails, then how does that equal 42? WHY IS IT ALWAYS 42!? Why not?
11: Do you like to read? If so what are your favorite books? I'm reading a book about law and disorder in the Wild West right now. Mostly I read bios of rock stars. Good shit.
12: If you would ever write a book, what would it be about? I used to want to write novels about societal neurosis. But it was easier to write songs.
13: How many slugs have you killed whilst doing the Dance Of The Salted Slug? I may have killed one friendship. It was heading that way anyhows.
14: I know I'm going to regret this but... would you consider taking me to the prom? You think I would take someone who asked to be? That's not how it works, buddy boy!
15: What is your favorite album you made? Beneath The Uber-Putz has the best songs, but Idiots Are Closer to God is more fun.
16: What's your favorite local bands? I mean... Other than Goodbye Timebomb, The Milkshakes, and Ginkins. The Inactivists, The Taints, Suzi Homewreker, Mr. Pacman, The Buckingham Squares.... I'm sure I missed a million.
17: I can't think of anything. Would you do a jig for me? As in, the jig's up, buddy boy?
18: Sweet tea or unsweetened tea? You answer may just result in the matrix collapsing. Slightly sweetened. Now I feel it closing in!
19: Why am I so attracted to you? I dunno. Maybe you're nuttier than Mr. Hanky after a trail mix fest?
20: If you were to ever go bungee jumping, what kind of meat would you eat in access quantities before jumping? Something that came from a pig.

You can find all things Fyodor right hea! :-D

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