Monday, October 17, 2011

The Red Hot Chile Peppers should just commit suicide

I was in my lovely little world today as I was being driven to my clinic. I suppose I was talking and making my friend laugh and other good times when he felt the sudden need to drown me out with the radio. The joke was on him though because I just kept on talking, giving a play by play commentary of the tracks!

The Red Hot Chile Peppers – The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie

The Red Hot Chile Peppers are a weird band for me. They have like two good songs but they fuck it all up by being themselves! Plus this song sounded like they went into the studio to make audio diarrhea and needed a corn amongst the shit they were writing.
                It’s not necessarily a bad song. The beginning starts off pretty cool (even if Anthony Keidis  raps like a retarded monkey with monkey down syndrome) and the beat is pretty groovy. I put aside the fact that the lyrics were… Basically about sex and whatever the hell the chorus is talking about (which by the way sounds like one of their other songs (which itself sounded like a more lively version of an even older song) only they added a few extra chords to protect themselves from infringing on their own copyright).
                Every album gets slower and more boring. Why do critics always talk about hey they love that their sound is maturing? It’s not maturing, it’s dying! I can bank money on them writing a song in the future that is nothing but one long syllable played over a smooth groove beat.

Eminem and Rihanna – Wish Right Now
I’ll be honest and say that I particularly like both of these artists. But they were just victims of circumstance when I was driving with my friend. I wasn’t in a really good mood and nothing pisses me off more than mainstream radio.
            Rihanna used to be top on my list until her new stuff started coming out. It was less rock and more of the same old shit you hear every time you drive with your friend on the way to the clinic to get your crazy pills…
            Um… Anyways, she’s lost it. BING!
            Not just her though, Eminem is another has been that has been monopolizing the radio far beyond his shelf life. There’s very little of what made his early stuff good. I hate saying this because it makes other people better musicians but when he started exploring his emotions beyond burning his ex-wife with a hot coat hanger and he began rapping about his trials with drugs his stuff lost a lot of its edge.
            I hear he looks good naked though, but he’s getting old fast. He’ll soon be the Paul McCartney of rap and continue making records when he should be busy dying quietly somewhere far from anything that has to do with human decency.

Pink – Raise Your Glass
Again, I used to like Pink before she stopped trying. Nothing says your out of ideas better than writing a dunder headed song about rocking out and partying. How many songs does this make for her dealing with this subject? Honestly I don’t know because I personally never heard anything other than her radio singles but if they are any indication then I can see her too singing about not caring and drinking well into her golden years.
            How old is she now anyways? We can soon see her breasts sagging in next year’s hit single “God Please Guide This Bullet Into My Brain”.
            Why so serious? :-P

It was at that point where the song ended that I shut off his radio and smacked his hand.

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