Sunday, October 9, 2011

Five reasons why beer is better than companionship.

1: Beer won’t want to get into your business as to whether or not you’ve been drinking too much. I’m not one to complain but nothing is a bigger buzz kill than having the person you’re with tell you that you are too drunk to keep going. Fuck that! A beer will always be up for another beer if you let it!

2: Beer makes sex better, whether you are alone or with multiple partners. I’m sure that you wouldn’t have joined that gang bang with that cute little Asian girl if you weren’t already hammered. Especially if there is more than one penis involved.

3: Beer makes you into an awesome person! You simply cannot lose when you drink beer! Whether or not anyone agrees is moot because you know you’re a stud after packing in a few brewskies! When haven’t you felt like superman when you’ve been plastered? Go ahead and punch through that wall! No one’s stopping ya big guy! Just have another drink and try again!

4: Beer never tells you, you can’t do something! When’s the last time beer has told you that you can’t go out and have a good time? If you had a boyfriend or girlfriend they may be concerned with your alcoholism, but not beer! It’s your best friend when you think you’ve had enough! Just ask for it by name and the bartender will oblige!

5: You make better memories with beer. Come on, be truthful, when’s the last time you didn’t have a night to remember when you’ve been out drinking with your buddy beer? Whether you woke up with ten nude midgets or you found yourself sitting in the drunk tank with a clown named Skittles. No night is a night is complete without a full on blackout! The stories you hear about your escapades the day after are just as priceless and unique as a snowflake!

So go ahead and drink till your dick won’t work! It won’t stop you from trying and your advances are sure to stir up controversy at some point!

Just one more round before you hit on that red headed chick? Whaddya’ say buddy?

Added bonus: A beer will never say I told you so when you get a hangover. If anything it will want to hang out with you all that much more! A bit of the hair of the dog is all this fine brew will ever tell ya when you feel like blowing your head off with a gack, unlike some stupid whiny bitch who tells you you need to stop drinking.

Fuck that shit!

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