Saturday, October 1, 2011

It's National Vegetarian Day everybody!!!

Reasons to kill animals for food:

Animals to eat and why it’s important to kill them for food.

Many people who eat meat and even more who don’t have never met the animal in which they are currently digesting. There is a lot of shame in killing these poor defenseless animals because they are just so cute and they never did anything to anyone right?
Prepare to have your eyes opened…

1: Cows – Ever meet a cow? Seriously… Ever walk up to a cow and scream in its face? IT DOES NOTHING!!! I swear when I first saw one I was enthralled. I went up to it and was all nice and everything but the damn thing just stood there. I tried all sorts of things to get it to come out of its coma but nothing worked. I tried tipping it but it just moved over to the side and continued to be still.
If there was ever a useless piece of existence I ever saw it would have to be a cow.
Seriously, meet one. They’re total dicks!

2: Chickens – I honestly like chickens. I really do. They can be fun to feed and such but when it boils down to it, I don’t think it really has that much going for it in the nervous system department seeing as it’s body can last up to twenty hours without the head attached. That’s not living, that’s a zombie! And we don’t like zombies do we? We need to nip this in the butt before there’s a plague of them roaming around our cities and devouring the flesh of our children!

3: Pigs – Oh man… Where do I start? First off they are among the least active animals on the farm which in turn makes them have a higher fat content than the others.
Did you hear that? Their fat and lazy!
Not only that but did you know that a pig’s orgasm can last almost thirty minutes? Where’s the justice in that!? Fuck them! I say we all gut the son of a bitch and make pulled pork samiches!

4: Fish – A fish has a really primitive nervous system and its memory only lasts not even a second. It won’t remember anything about you cutting off its head and cooking the sweet, sweet meat inside… Besides, some fish have it coming. I’m looking at you, you stupid eels!!!

5: Cats and Dogs - Who the fuck eats cats and dogs!? Oh yeah, sorry Asia! Did you know that Beijing prohibited restaurants from serving these delicacies to foreigners for PR purposes? Could you imagine giving Micheal Phelps a cat to eat?
No sir... He's a big strong red meat kind of brute. With big tall loveliness... Feet and abs...

6: Micheal Phelps - Fuck yeah I'd swallow anything that man gives me!

I hope I've enlightened some of you. For those that still aren't convinced please do yourself a favor and go to your little studio apartment and sulk over a nice hot cup of shut the fuck up. It comes in two different flavors now, self righteous and ignorant.

I'll leave you with this little tidbit. Did you know that there are more chickens in the world than there are humans!? It's true! And the more there are the harsher it is on our resources. So when you think about it, eating chickens is really going green! You'll be helping to curb the population and you get to chicken nuggets!

It's win / win!

So go ahead and get your shotgun. That motherfucking dumbass cock sucking cow ain't gonna kill itself! (They're too stupid to commit suicide)


I am in no way endorsing cruelty on animals (unless it's a stupid bulldog that eats cell phones and books, in which case I'm all about putting a cyanide pill into it's doggy bowl). You can raise them to be happy and healthy without all the harmful stuff. That way when you kill you know it lived to it's fullest! Walking around aimlessly for hours on end before dosing off. Every day... Every year... For their whole lives... Yup. Sounds like animals who have abstract thought.
People think that if they feel a certain way then an animal must too. I highly doubt a cat is capable of love in the way that we are. I really think it's just attached to you as a fellow animal that it's used to. They take advantage of the fact that we think they are cute and use it to get what they need. Animals (and people) are really selfish and they need to be. Survival of the fittest.

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