Thursday, October 13, 2011

Five things that can give you whiskey dick.

1: Alcohol – Yeah this one is obvious. You drink too much and your whole nervous system sort of shuts down on you, making it hard to feel any real sensation at all. Although many have tried and after hours of due diligence they’ve been able to complete the process. Hats are tipped to those who have been able to wear out a vagina into a shaffed and sore little mess in their efforts to bust a nut.


2: Cocaine – This one is actually a stimulant which means you should be able to stimulate the hell out of your manly organ right? Wrong, coke numbs the shit out of you. It blocks touch sensations and a form of it is actually used in anesthesia medications. From Novacain to Litacain, they all have one main ingredient.
That’s right! They’re made from the coca leaf.
When the Mayan’s weren’t busy sacrificing their young to the sun God, they were chewing on coca leaves just to get them through the day.
We’ve been doing shit like this for thousands of years folks!

3: Opiates – Now this stuff you’d expect to make your Willy a useless piece of skin. Its main job is to block pain receptors and give you a nice warm buzz by bonding to your opioid receptors. The reason we even have these things is because we already have a natural pain blocker in our own brains that releases whenever we are hurt or in shock. Endorphins are in the opiate class and that’s why you feel so good after exercising and other strenuous workouts (Hint, it won’t be sex!)
Even getting aroused seems like too much work when you’re high on this stuff. You’re body’s more apt to use it’s time doing things like lying around and hugging your cat.
Come to think of it, I never came once while I was on methadone! I remember trying and becoming frustrated. In fact  I think it’s the only time I ever faked an orgasm just to make the whole deal just stop.

4: Too much sex – Men have a refractory period after they orgasm, meaning that all things sexual shut down for at least ten to fifteen minutes before you’re able to go at it again (This statement does not reflect those of you who use and abuse Viagra).
Plus after each successive try your vital bits start to not respond the way it was before you started this marathon. Being that it is one of the most sensitive parts of a man’s body (Tip: One of the others is the nipples, hear that ladies?) it can easy become over sensitive and cause pain. Plus your body has already spent all that energy on the first round or two so it’s sort of in storage mode, meaning you have to work harder each time to get the same results as before.
Wouldn’t you rather have some anti-depressant medication instead?
Oh wait, that’s right…

5: Anti-depressants and other medications – If you think it was bad enough that you snorted all that coke and took too many Viagra pills, wait till you try to come down with some of these medications. Serotonin is a vital part of any healthy brain function. It controls your body’s temperature, your mood, and other chemical processes in your brain.
It’s so important that it has even been linked to sudden infant death syndrome as the main cause. You see when you are a baby everything is still getting wired and rewired and it’s hard for a young’en to withstand so much change. They’re brain tells it to release more of that good stuff and sometimes it just goes overboard, to the dismay of many a mother I’m sure.
I’m not exactly sure how it does it but this shit will make you last until you are too tired to go on any further.

That is if you can even get it up in the first place.

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