Monday, September 16, 2013

Why I like rock shows better than rock shows.

Why I like rock shows better than rock shows.
By: David McGhee

The other night I gone and did something I haven't done in over a year, and of which I hadn't done before that for about three or four years. Yep. Me going out now is a very rare occasion. But this was a special thingy for me. You see, I made a poster for In the Whale and they got me into their sold out show. You see... I misunderstood that they were in fact a very successful band. Meaning that many, many tall people attend their shows. Fucking excess height people. Am I right my short homies?
Whatever. Fuck you too.
I spent the day at Erin's motel room and had myself one or two pot lollipops. You see, that shit is legal here in Colorado. You can have up to an ounce without the po po's getting on your shit. So we's was eat'n lollipops and hanging out with the neighbors. I found this little guy *insert kitty photo here* and we's played all day and I loved it and hugged it and made it my little kitty bitch.
Erin got all fancified and we were ready for the show. Carl (the long suffering boyfriend) drove us to the show. When we got there and Carl left I went up to the ticket window to get our tickets. The man in the window looked into space and then told me that the band had not yet given him a guest list. I was all like... What? And he was all like “yup.” and then I went back to Erin and pouted for a bit more before harassing the Bluebird staff about getting In The Whale to come out and get me in.
The window man took pity on me and looked at his sheet. Like... Okay? Anyways, he found me on the list and we got in. God bless door men! And women. We got our twenty one and over bands and went inside.
We stood around for a second before I zeroed in on Nate from In the Whale. We proceeded to their merch stand and I struck up the best conversation I could with him. After much awkwardness I declared that I would like to preach the gospel to the concert attendees. That's around the time our connection got a bit blurry. I think we may have hugged? He sure was tall. I told him that chicks dig that shit and wished him many blowjobs in the future.
Oh, and I made them a logo. Haven't been told as to whether or not it's kosher with them but... I was thinking something like the logo for The Dropkick Murphies and The Rolling Stones and The Grateful Dead. Small bands like that... Wow. That just made me into a pompous art ass. And this ass is smelly. I need to shower more... I really, really do.

Here's the logo:

And if you want to hear just how awesomely awesome In The Whale is then you should totally go to their Bandcamp page. Which is hea!
Seriously, their like punk AC/DC! I am such a fucking fuckity fucker for not seeing their set... Will they forgive me? Probably not. At least they are getting blowjobs in rockstar heaven.
What? They're not dead? Give them enough time and it will eventually happen. And when they get to heaven then they will get blowjobs from angels. I bet Nate and Eric get so many groupies that they're all like "Hey! What's with all these groupies!? Do they need some water or a pot roast or what the fuck!?"
Yeah. They're total badasses!
We saw the first band play and to be honest they were very modern rock. But with a cello. Not bad per se', but definitely lacked the wow factor. I can see them getting big though. I wish them luck because music is fun and playing music is awesome. So they rock in that sense.
Every second spent at the show added to my ever increasing anxiety. And right before In The Whale went on I broke down in tears and Erin had to escort me out. I feel like a total turd burglar for not being able to see their show. I hope that they forgive me for that... Especially when the band is so handsome.
Erin bought me a drink to take with my Ativan and that helped a little. We called Erin's boyfriend Carl to come pick us up. We stayed by the bar across the street from the Bluebird and I sipped on my cranberry Sprite vodka. Well... The bartender fucked up and just gave me Sprite with vodka. Most disappointing seeing that the cranberry adds so much. I wished that I had extra money so I could of bought the band and Dan Rutherford a drink. Alas. I's be po. We's all be po. Five fifty for a jigger of liquor? Not for this man. Or child. Or whatever it is that you call a twenty nine year old autistic man child whatever.
I wonder if the In The Whale guys got their blowjobs? I wonder if any rock star has ever put that on their rider. I had a rider once for the show I played with Dressy Bessy. They said I could have anything so I was like “Um. Der! Me's wants chips.” And the dude was like “What kind?” And I said that they were all good.
When the show happened I was backstage and the other band had a fucking buffet back there! And in the lonely corner of the table was my Lays Potato Chips. I was angry at myself for the longest time until I realized that anything I would of ordered would of just gone to waste anyways.
I bet In The Whale has hookers on their rider. Nate seemed the man whore. I didn't really get to meet the drummer and that bummed me out. It took everything in me to be social with the singer and Erin chatted the drummer up. But still I wished I could of said more to him. He tried to shake my hand and I cringed and pulled away. He had this look on his face like I had offended him. Hopefully I didn't... I just don't like to be touched by people I don't know. To add horribleness to my actions he is a black guy. So I probably seemed racist. I didn't mean to. Black or white I just don't like my hands to be shaked. I used to. But I was more normal the first time around...
I hate having Aspergers sometimes because it makes me the weirdest person in the room. Or the weirdest person in the tri-state area. I haven't really thought about my weirdness in statistic form. But I'm pretty sure I rate with the best of'em.
The show did bring back memories though. I remember there was a time when I could get into pretty much any show I wanted to but now I'm afraid of contacting old connects.
I tried getting back into contact with my ex-best friend Mike King. But that didn't go so well. I've really fucked with his head during my tenure as quote unquote “best friend”. You see that it was hard for me to accept that Mike was seeing other people socially. It made me feel neglected but back then, prior to therapy that treats autism I now know that having many friends is a good thing for your best friend to have. If he's your friend then he must be friendly enough to be friends with other people too. Man I feel shitty about the shit I did to try and have him prove his friendship for me... I feel like a small penis. Speaking of which... Um... Erm...
*does a little dance, makes a little love*
But for the most part, in reflection, I had fun. Too bad concerts draw so many people. Hipsters and tall punks... I bet they all went out and drank and fucked after the show. People are such whores. Stupid procreation and it's sex based reproduction!
There. Now that I've got that out of my system.
The next day I was feeling bummed because I flaked out so early the night before. Frank and Drew wanted to go out to a grand opening at this dispensary and I decided to go along. Because you know... Pot! Fuck yeah!
On our way back we went by the Denver Colosseum and there was a rock, fossil, and mineral show going on. Me being me, I wanted to get my rocks off so the other two obliged and we parked out front. It's cool because both Drew and I are handicapped and therefore we qualify for them thar handicap tags. I don't drive but if anyone needs a good parking spot let me know.
*drum solo*
We decided to go to the backside of the place because they said that the tent area had more real food served than snacks. The second I got to our destination via golf cart I headed for the first tent within sprinting distance. Oh God! These rocks, fossils, and minerals made me want to be a Goddamn geologist! I found one blue and green one that I absolutely fell in love with!

Frank was being at his most awesome so he shelled out the ten bucks required to purchase said rock. I later found out from a Facebook friend (who also has Aspergers) that it was Azurite. Then when I looked in the bag that it came in the tag said “Malachite / Azurite.” Malachite is the green shit on it and Azurite is the blue mineral. I need to look up more about it really. It's such a fascinating color and texture. Plus it has an awesomely blue geode on the side of it! Fucking A! This is a fucking awesome rock!
I swear, I've been bringing it with me everywhere. It's like my new security blanket. A security blanket that I can pitch into oncoming traffic! Ha ha, na. No one is worth smashing my rock against their head and or car windshield.
I loved the experience so much that I started taking pictures of the cool rocks and such that I saw. I found out that day that my camera phone ain't too shabby. I took a lot of pictures and promised the vendors I would credit them but sadly I can't remember which rock when with which person... Boo! Fuck you short term memory! I'm going to punish you with excess amounts of alcohol!
*Hits head with Malachite / Azurite rock*
In other news my boyfriend lost his job. Which is a total bummer and I hope that you all hope that he recovers in his career. Which was a server. Did you know that servers bank? It's so insane! But no more... Unless he gets another server job that is.
Thank you Obama and thank you unemployment. You make us able to eat food when we need to eat food. Which is quite a lot. Who knew that you needed sustenance three times a day seven days a week? Who on Earth created humans anyway? Since I'm not a religious person I'm going to blame this all on Darwin. For pointing out that we are all silly monkeys who throw our poo.
At least I do...
What? Don't give me that “I don't throw my own poo” shit!
Now where were we?
Oh yeah, blowjobs. Don't we all love them? Not me. I don't like being touched. But dammit, I love giving them! I even wrotes me a song about what I like doing with my time.

And here it is!

And here's some more pictures of awesome rocks! Enjoy! :-)

And just because it's cool, here's a picture of a parrot! :-D

And to top it off, a jade penis!

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