Rufio Wallace and the Spoiler
By: David McGhee
She looked up at her master and begged with all her cute little pugness for a treat. The man in front of her, her master, was a mean person sometimes. Sometimes he kicked her or pinched her skin with a needle. Just to hear her whine it seemed. It made him happy. But she loved him regardless. He was a human and humans smelled like good things to be affectionate with. The pay off was great (These things make nummy nummy appear in your food bowl twice a day!) and all you had to do was taste their face from time to time. Although she knew it wise to wince when a hand comes near her face.
The master smiles. She knows what a smile means. Either he's going to be a good master and let her have some of the ham he's eating. Oh holy cock of Christ that would be awesome!
He's going to be a mean master and choke her until her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Although either way meant that the man would touch her. Her skin tingled every time it wasn't searing in pain from his thumb pressed down too hard on one of her nipples. Petting a dog or a cat is always an attractive offer for Pugsly and or Fido and Puff Puff, their kitty kitty cat cats, because both animals have horrible blood circulation throughout their skin. So by rubbing their skin and fur it actually helps promote blood flow.
He always was a good master when he was with her bitch master, Shelly. He would pet her and hug her (which most dogs hate because hugging is a sign of dominance that a dog just isn't willing to share, but Pugsly, named so because he is in fact a pug, loved the shit out of. No kidding, one time the little turd bomber shat herself while Shelly was rubbing her stomach. It just felt so good that shitting was the only way to heighten the experience. It was totally lost on Pugsly that such ghastly pleasures she partook in dumbly, were so vomit inducing to human beings. Most people don't eat their own shit.) and talk to her in pleasant tones. She liked the pleasant tones. When they were more shrill that just meant pain was coming. Master Wallace comes to her and reaches out his hand and makes like he is about to smack her across her cute pug face. Pugsly winces and draws back at the approaching human appendage.
Rufio laughs. “You're such a good dogey dogey!”
That was it. Her mouth dropped open, tongue descended, and she started panting with happiness. She ran up to the hand and was taken back back the sudden smack on the nose, which is a punishment for any dogey dogey. But as for what she had been punished for... Probably not even Rufio knew. He just liked to see her scared. Pugsly whined and retreated back into the comfort of being under the coffee table in the living room. Rufio whistled and said “Here dogey dogey!” And fool me once, shame on you. Fool me three hundred thousand and seventy three times... Whatever. Pugsly stupidly smiled and ran back to meet yet another whack on the nose. She whined but before she could run away again Rufio picked her up.
“I love my kitty cats with all my heart.” He told Pugsly sweetly, who was now happy again because he was projecting his voice pleasantly. As far as she was concerned he could be calling her the worst dogey in the whole wide world, but when he said it with a sweet saccharine laced melody she was putty in his hands.
It's no different than French waiters making fun of you while you order in their stuffy restaurants, Rufio thought. He held the dumb pug in his arms and walked with him into the kitchen and then into the basement. Once down the steps he let Pugsly touch the ground. As always her fat pug stomach was the first thing to touch the concrete. It felt cold. She frantically steadied herself with a flurry of feet underneath her. He always carried her down the steps because she was too pudgy and too short in the legs to make the steps without rolling down the stairs. In which doing so would upset the bitch master, Sherry. She'd done it a few times before and just shrugged it off with her stupid animalness, but just to be sure he didn't have to pay some fuck nut vet to fix a broken bone he had been carrying her down since then. The thought made Rufio snarl at his wife's dogey. Pugsly in turn took the snarl as playing and she barked back. Rufio knelt down next to her and snapped his teeth. Stupid little Pugsly snapped back and barked once more.
Rufio laughed and put his right index finger in her mouth. She playfully held onto it with her teeth and tried to take it away from Rufio. He laughed again and took his finger back. Then he led the dog across the dark trash strewn basement. It was a mess due to the remodeling. It was in a state of half construction. Soon it would be his man nerd cave. A most awesome expectation!
He found the hanging wire for the light bulb and yanked it, spreading a warm phosphorous glow around the shadowy room. It was supposed to become a recording studio but with all the work Rufio had had in the past few years he just couldn't break away to finish it. Pugsly knew the twists and turns of the loose wood work by heart. As much as Rufio liked to torture the poor thing in small ways he would never allow a person to actually lay a hand on her. In some ways he had grown to love the stupid little thing. The beast that was all instinct and dumb dogey smiles.
If it would just stop eating it's own poop we'd be in business, he thought.
There was a secret door in the wall on the right side of the room. It blended in perfectly with the surrounding Stucco. It was here that Rufio had grown fond of bringing little Pugsly. She smelled the sweet aroma whiff through her nostrils. It was the tangy sweet aroma of burned flesh. So tasty. Humans always had (and made) the best food stuffs. She ran first before Rufio could even bring himself to step into the door frame. Her stomach was dangerously low to the ground. Rufio was disgusted by her obesity. Pugs can be such fat ass dogs. She ran down the small seven by seven hallway, made of brick this time, that led to a metal door with a key card reader on the side of it. Rufio walked up the hall to where Pugsly was waiting impatiently for him to open the door.
Rufio laughed and scratched her ear. She started kicking in response.
He ran the card. The door's pressurized valves on its sides turned and the door opened with a hiss of decompression. Pugsly ran right in and right at the foot of a man who now only had three toes and immediately attached her mouth to his half burnt foot meat.
He was a tall stout young man of twenty six. He wore glasses like Rufio, but his were decidedly more pretentious. Whereas Rufio's glasses said “Man with a plan,” this man's said “Durh! I'ma hipster!” 2000 called, Rivers Cuomo wants his style back! Who had incidently been asked by Elvis Costello for his look back. But no one was a bigger dick about it than Buddy Holly. He acted all like he made it cool. Well... He did. But still. What a fucktard!
This man with the ironic mustache had been the biggest thing to hit the Colorado blog scene in years, if not ever. He had won a “Best of Denver” award for his online blog in the best of issue of the Westword during the last go around, and he was in talks with Spin about a possible profiling on Johnny Depp.
The problematic aspect however was that this man and his popular online blog spoiled movies and TV shows months in advance. It was in fact him who leaked that Ben Affleck may be the new Batman. And lo and behold! Fucker thinks he's Parez Hilton or some shit. Some think that he uses his trust fund set up by his parents to bribe studio people into yabbing or perhaps uses other means to secure scripts (Rufio wouldn't put it past him to suck cock) of shows and movies way before the general public has a chance to see it. That coupled with his harsh critique and reaching influence make him a bad person in the eyes of the men who had put Rufio up to this. But he didn't mind doing it. They even paid him a little extra to make his death as slow as possible. Which he planned to do with gusto. Because torturing people is fun and exciting for the whole family!
If only Shelly was a homicidal maniac. That would be so hot!
Rufio was a man who loved his work more than he loved caramel on cinnamon sugar toast.
And he was a man who loved his caramel on cinnamon sugar toast.
Rufio took out a Werther's hard caramel from his pocket. He always kept a few on him. And plopped one into his mouth. He then offered it to the naked mane tied up in front of him. The blond man was no more than a kid in Rufio's eyes. He smiled and offered it to him again.
“May not get a chance to eat before tomorrow when I come back down here.” Rufio said as he put the caramel on the table before him. The man's feet hurt the worst. Rufio had set a blow torch to two of his toes the night before (and just plain cut another one off for shit eater to gnaw on). Burnt them up nice and good. Little old Pugsly ate at them despite the man's insistent resistance. For such a small dog it was mighty vicious. This, May very well be why Rufio has allowed the dog to live so long. It was trying to wag it's little snub of a curly tail but just wound up jiggling its butt.
Rufio took a pair of pliers from his box of bloody carpenters tools.
“You should really sterilize that man.” The blond naked movie spoiling little cunt said with a quiver.
Rufio held up the pliers to eye level, letting it shine dully in the dim light. His lips crept into a smile. He bent down and took a bit of the man's blond pubic hair between the pliers' tips and tightened his grip. Then he yanked it out, leaving the underneath part of the skin where the dermis and hair used to be. The man screamed. His voice already horse from yelling for help despite being in a sound proofed room. Rufio held the bit of hair at the man's eyesight and laughed.
Pugsly chewed selfishly at the man's remaining toes, which were blackened to the muscle by the previous day's blow torch fun. Pugsly bit off flesh in thick strips. They tasted like a mix between bacon and and beef. Pugsly was totally digging the charbroiled taste as well. Dogs loved their carbon just as much as the next man. Rufio patted her on the head. She dropped the piece of toe meat from her drooling mouth and looked up smiling at Rufio, panting with excitement. Then it was back to business. Pugsly ignored the piece of toe meat before her and ran for some of the still bloody bits of foot that were stuck to the man's foot bones. It was cute how she playfully growled while biting the flesh off a screaming hipster. If only he could make that into a meme.
Rufio pulled another bit of pubic hair from the man's nether region. He cried out for it to stop but Rufio was just getting started.
“Please sir.” The man begged. “I promise never to blog about anything ever again!”
Rufio liked this. “Unless you have fifty thousand dollars I am afraid that I'm going to have to cut off your penis.” He raised a pair of cutting shears to the man's eye level. The man screamed.
“Please sir! I don't have that kind of money! Can't you just say you got rid of me and we'll never speak of me again? I'll move back to Florida and legally change my name!”
Rufio warm heartedly pulled out another patch of pubic hair from the roots of the man's top padding above his penis. He writhed in pain and kept trying to kick at Pugsly, who was seeing the moving foot as a toy that she could also eat, and was always brought back down a peg with his toe stumps actually hit the dog. They left bloody marks on the dog's black and white face, which she loved to lick from the sides of her lips. It encouraged her to bite at the tasty thing even more. She had no idea how much pain and torment she was causing this poor young man. As far as she was concerned he was a tasty friend.
It was times like this Rufio wondered why he had such a hatred for the stupid thing. In all prospects, they were the perfect pet. As long as you petted them, walked them, and fed them, you could get away with all sorts of horrible shit and they will just love you all the more for it. For those with no self esteem they probably are man's best friend.
Rufio picked up a piece of chewed burnt toe and wiggled it in front of Pugsly's nose. She panted happily and followed the toe as he went from left to right to left again. She licked her chops and barked.
“That's a good dogey!” And Rufio threw it across the room. Pugsly ran after it with great effort; she was a fat thing. If she'd been running on the hardwood upstairs you could hear her coming from the kitchen to the living room from the second floor. She grabbed the human appendage and made a high pitched and very un-scary growl as it tore into it. She bit it and rocked her head from left to right and back and continued that awful high pitched growl.
It pissed Rufio off. So he kicked the dog with only a medium of effort. Just enough to knock the wind out of it. It must have swallowed the toe whole because she started hacking like she was going to throw up. Rufio smacked her across the face and she took a step backward but still hacked. Rufio advanced on her and she turned around but whatever was caught in her throat was at the moment a touch more important than what ever punishment the master can dish out to her. She coughed and hacked and felt her head flood up with blood. It made a tremendous pressure on her face and she felt as if her cheeks were going to explode. The worst pain of it all was that now her head pulsed with her heart. She saw the world grow white and heard the distant bark of her great grand bitch “Toogles”. She was licking her privates and telling Pugsly to come towards the dimming light. Pugsly, being the stupid thing it was, mistook this advance and happily shat herself.
As the world drew away she barked and ran towards the light, which was drawing further and further away. How would she ever reach her great grand bitch now? She stopped for an anus cleaning then started running, but the light sped away faster and faster and then she was aware of nothing.
Perfect nothingness. Much better than being smacked on the nose.
Then there was a pressure on her chest and she coughed the bloody burnt chew toe onto the concrete floor. She felt her face flood with blood again and the whiteness turned back into the familiar black and white the world always was. She looked up at her master. He was saying something in those nice tones again. She felt herself grow fuzzy with that sort of stupid I don't care what the hell you are but I love you more than I love fried chicken feeling. He smiled and she smiled.
“Blah blah blah blah” She heard him say sweetly. Then she felt him pinch her ear. It hurt so bad. Oh why would master do this to her? Ouch! He just kicked her again. She wondered why she never did get the chance to meet up with Toogles. That would have been bitchin!
He said something and ran his hand all the way down onto her face, where it softly landed and spread around her head in a blood flow inducing petting. She loved it when master petted her. He did it hard like he really loved her.
All was forgiven. Now for some more tasty hipster man foot.