A Walk in the Park

A Walk in the Park

By: David McGhee

What's up bitches and bitchettes? I've just had the most horrible experience in a long time, but that I will talk about second. You see, I recently went on a walk with my boyfriend and roommate at a park in Arvada that segged into Denver, Arvada, and Golden, depending on which way you take at the split.

First off we were greeted by what my boyfriend called art (I personally think they are workout machines for giants).

Drop down and give me twenty dollars!

I don't know why but they just pissed me off! While Frank was stacking rocks it came to me, but let me do a little spiel for you first. You see, about a week or less ago these three Boy Scout leaders (Grandpa, Father, and son if you can believe it!) were in Utah around those awesome balanced stones over in the national parks there. Super beautiful shit, seriously.

Penis rocks rock!

The three guys went on to topple one of the rocks and thus ruining 165 million years of nature.

How awesome is defacing a national park? Go Boy Scouts! :-D

Then the douche went on the news saying “Well shucks! It was dangerous just sitting on top of that thing! I just did America a favor and spared everyone from serious harm. Of course next time I will have a park ranger with me. Sheesh!” Seriously, something to that affect!

I um... I mean we um... We made a video chronicling our pursuit of dangers rocks. So we filmed ourselves toppling some horrible, horrible rocks! Seriously, they could of killed a baby!

Of course I forced somewhat of an apology from Frank. But honestly I knew he liked doing. Filthy America hater!

We did it for the children.

Then we proceeded to go on the trial. Right? Fine? No? Well.... We um, well, first we dipped out and had a smoke, THEN we went on the trail. This good looking older dude was walking his black lab down beyond us and we took some time out to pet the dogey. It was weird for the man because I would hug it with one arm, then the other, then get kisses on the right side of my face, and then the left... Seriously, that beast brought out the OCD in me! Not that that is uncommon.... Tall people put me up in arms. Why are they so scary yet so attractive to me? Perhaps it's their man hair and skinny skinny thinness. Unless he's fat AND tall? *shivers*

I'd tap that!

Well I guess it ain't that bad... Besides, I've spread my buttocks for suck men in the past. Hey yo!!! Shout out to my bud Kevin! You made big person sex fun and educational! :-)

On the way, Drew and I found some bitchin' rocks. Here are mine, but I don't have any pics of his. Well, mostly because that he just finds any old rock and collects them. Not me... I only get quality turds in my coffee!

Ha ha... Rock poo!

We also came by some cool cactus's and even a plant penis!

Ladies and gentleman I give you, the cactus clitoris!

And her fuck buddy, plant penis!

Then we just walked and talked and formed a gate via linking our arms together ala' Dorothy and her pals in the Wizard of Oz. And when a bike came by (MY GOD! MAKE THE BIKES STOP! ANYTHING BUT THE BIKES!!!) we would step aside in unison, like a gate opening. We fucked it up at first but then we got into the swing of things. The two people who we did this too were very receptive. By that I mostly mean that they spit in our general directions. Fucking bikers... I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!

Rent is two to fifteen rocks a week.

That horrible thing that happened to me? Oh yeah.... It was the horribleness that is “After Earth” by Will Smith and his son, Not Will Smith. There are just so many things wrong with this movie. For instance if their alien world is light on oxygen, then why does he had to take additional oxygen breathing treatments when he gets to Earth? What the fuck?

Plus if a volcano is active, it's surrounding and inner water would be acidic as all fuck out. Yet Not Will Smith was swimming in the inner water (in the middle of the volcano, like inside the middle of the volcano!) Plus this dude gets 200 kilometers in three days. Seriously? When he's not running he's taking his sweet ass time.

The one cool part of the movie is when Will Smith loses so much blood that he loses consciousness and shit. But before that Not Will Smith gets bitten by a bug of curious size and of many, many vectors and pixels and he goes all numb and blind and shit. The only way to save himself is to inject two syringes into his heart.

Whoa... Am I a little sadistic? Perhaps that's why I slap my bitches so much. You need to every now and then. And my pimping hand is strong. Full of wit an.... Look! A squirrel!!! :-D