My Very First
Homosexual Experience (At the Age of 7)
By: David
McGhee
From what I
remember, and this can be pretty foggy, but I remember having my
first ever homosexual experience when I was like seven or so. Don't
worry, this isn't going to be a tale of child erotica (Sorry all you
cho-mos out there, better luck next time) but involves me feeling
that strange butterfly thingy you get in your stomach when you are
around someone who is just absolutely stunning. It's sort of like
experiencing Stendhal Syndrome. That is if any of you have ever seen
something so beautiful that you're just frozen with awe. It's a
pretty powerful feeling to have had. I suggest you look up “Channing
Tatum” and “Naked” in a Google images search. If only Jake
Gyllenhaal or Edward Norton would ever do the world a favor and do
some nude modeling. Mmm... Joseph Gordon Levitt's penis...
Wait? What? Oh
yeah, adult erotica, but no kiddie. Okay I'm good to go now. Now,
where were we? Oh yeah, that feeling so huge that you almost throw up
from being around someone so completely your type.
The day had
started like any other, only it was the first day of first grade. I
had walked the length of road from our trailer up to the side of the
outside lying road. It was definitely a good walk; At this point I
was a skinny little critter, so the walk wasn't that bad to and fro.
I waited for the bus with great anxiety. No one had the slightest
idea that I was autistic. How could you tell? Other than I showed no
empathy, was always quiet, obsessed over facts, and for about the
first eight years of my life, I would twirl around on my side on the
carpet. I was obsessed with spinning myself. But anyways, so yeah.
People always gave me the willies.
The bus
arrived about five minutes after I had and I got on expecting
everyone's eyes to be on me. And to my disappointment, they were. Oh
well... I sat in the first seat adjacent to the bus driver. I think
it was a female one. I'm pretty sure. Too bad I don't remember
anything about her. It was my second year at Chattahoochee Elementary
School and from my previous experience, I loved it. But the first day
of school sucks whether it's the first day of kindergarten or the
first day of graduate school. It doesn't matter.
Too bad I blew
my chances on crack. Boo! Boo crack!
Anyways, I had
gotten to school and had to be escorted to my room because I had
still not learned how to read, write, or arithmetic. The signs on the
doors were alien to me. I remember that I will have gotten into a
reading program during my tenor as a second grade student, which
totally transformed me on an intellectual level. Once I could read I
read anything I could. I had a college reading level in first grade.
Beat THAT Einstein!
What?
Oh... He did,
did he? Pfft. The Theory of Relativity my ass! I'd like to see him
develop a theory of my bunghole! Am I right girlfriends?
Of course I
am. When I got to the right class room I was immediately taken aback
at how much bigger the other kids were compared to me. I've always
been small. And once I started that horrible anti-psychotic Risperdal
I ballooned up to nearly three hundred pounds. I didn't even hit
puberty until I was like sixteen! Although considered all the
medications I was on I supposed that could have hendered my growth a
bit? But then again my father was five six until he was twenty one,
then he grew to five eleven. My final height was at twenty six at
five foot seven. I can't complain because at least my younger brother
is the same height. No taller brother syndrome for David.
Although my
older half brother Jimmy is like six foot one. I suppose... I don't
know. I'm not a geneticist! Stupid people and their people stuff...
Dick. Insert dick. What? Hello!
I found myself
looking at the boys and not paying attention to anything female. Sure
I liked the teacher because she was a short portly woman who acted
nice and did nice things to me. I remember this one girl named Stacy.
Man she was a bitch when we first knew each other. She was a rich
girl and such so we didn't get along. Although I was friends with the
other students and they all lived in mini mansions lined along the
road outside my little lonely trailer in the woods? I don't know. I
suppose it was because young girls were a little bit frightening to
me. They just seemed foreign and shit. I can't explain it. Maybe it
was like when a straight guy first interacted with... Wait. I suppose
I wasn't that unusual after all?
But there was
one kid in particular. I think his name was Josh? But I know I'm not
correct. Anyhoo, his name was Josh and he was a lot taller and
skinnier than I was. He had the coolest smile and his eyes were a
very pretty light shade of blue. His blonde hair was short and spiked
a he was really nice to me for a few seconds.
After a week I
couldn't take it just staring at him all the time, I had to become
his friend. So I walked up to him during computer lab and asked for
his phone number. He willingly gave it to me and the next day we were
hanging with each other. I was dropped off at his place and he had a
wonderful place at that. I was too young to understand anything about
money and wealth, but I remember being in complete awe at the sheer
amazingness of their modern electronics (Well, modern 1991).
The first
thing I noticed about his room was his Sega Genesis laying on top of
his dresser next to his extravagantly large color TV. I remember he
laughed at my complete and utter knowledge for video games outside of
Nintendo but he was cool about it too. He let me play Sonic the
Hedgehog and... Actually this is the part of the story where things
go bad, in typical David fashion.
I wound up
nearly beating the game in one sitting. I died only like twice during
my run as well. He was taken aback by my ability to navigate the
game. I remember he made his brother and mother come into the room to
see me go. But after so much he wanted it back. I gave it to him of
course. But he was never the same towards me again.
I don't think
I said or did anything weirder than normal? But if I had to peg it
and show it as proof that people are born gay, I'd say this was the
first time I really got excited over another boy. He made me feel
like I wanted to live with him and be his shadow. He was just so cool
in my eyes and it physically hurt to be around him. Perhaps my
parents (and his) were aware of this and that's why we weren't
allowed to see each other again...
I am always at
a loss as to what I've done to make someone leave me. I do this all
the time. I can't believe I have found such a great partner in Frank
and friends in Erin, Drew, and Torvald. So it's all cool now. But I
never really had any friends until I moved to Colorado.
I remember the
second time a boy made me shiver... His name was Nate and this was in
high school too. I went to Duluth Middle School in Duluth Georgia up
until I was eighteen. Ha ha... I never even drunk liquor until I was
like twenty, so I wasn't one of the cool kids. I had bad social
anxiety and I was crammed into the special ed department. I remember
there being a mean (at the time I thought she was mean, I really wish
I could thank her now for my love of science, but I'm sure she's dead
now.) teacher named Mrs Gray (or Grey?). The name with the bill
because she had a short cut head of curly gray hair. She even had
those librarian glasses too. She was the whole school teacher
package.
Anyways, there
was also this obscenely attractive girl in the same class as Zack and
me and I always remembered them talking about driving in his car and
making out. I always thought of Zack being all big and tall and
skinny and attractive and going to town on the girl. I don't know why
but I pictured myself as Zack when masturbating. I still do that,
pretend to be someone else. You know... Because I'm short fat and ugly as sin. At least that's what my Body Dysmorphic stuff is telling me anyways.
Stupid ugly person me!
Stupid ugly person me!
You fat bastard!
I wrote this
song a while ago. It's pretty catchy and I wish I had a recording of
it. I suppose when I get my student loans I could record it. So then
it shall be.
Green and
Sober
By: David
McGhee
Things have
been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so fucking
happy, I could cry a lot
Maybe this is
life and maybe this is my lot
Things have
been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so
freaking ecstatic, I just shit myself
Maybe this is
my life and this here is my lot
Maybe these
things are all I've got
Maybe I could
die of embarrassment
I don't wanna
be myself
I wanna be
someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just
fall away
Into the sea
where no one needs me
Things have
been so much better since I've been sober
I'd give a
fuck but I cry too much
Maybe this is
my life and maybe this is my lot
Things have
been so much better since I've been sober
I'm so fucking
happy I could kill myself
Maybe this is
my life and this here is my lot
Maybe these
things are all I've got
Maybe I could
die of embarrassment
I don't wanna
be myself
I wanna be
someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just
fall away
Into the sea
where no one needs me
Why do we
always ruin our lives?
When we're
happy?
I wanna feel
just the same
Why do we
always do it to ourselves?
To be happy?
It just
doesn't feel the same
I know that
what I have is all that I'll ever get
I know that
what I have is all that I'll ever get
And I know
that what I have is all that I'll ever get
And I know
that my hatred for myself rests in the same bed
Things have
been so much better
Things have
been so much better
Things have
been so much better
Things have
been so much better
I don't wanna
be myself
I wanna be
someone else
And fall away
Oh I'll just
fall away
Into the sea
where no one needs me
It's an older
song really. I can't wait to record it. Ever see the Teenaged Mutant
Ninja Turtles? Yeah. So have I. Well... That's about everything I can
think of for now. Until next time you sexy, sexy men and woman you!
Smiley face.
El, oh, el.
No comments:
Post a Comment