My child is genetically superior to your child and could totally beat him up

With rising health costs and the dramatic loss in public interest in the sciences it has become a concern whether or not our children are living up to their potential. The scary thing I propose is; what if they are? What if our crime rate is due to genetically inferior beings being born to genetically inferior parents? Are you a product of your make-up? Research has an answer to that and the newest details say yes. Yes it is. The solution to this and many other problems should and could be humanitarian Eugenics. By humanitarian Eugenics I mean that we should view this problem not by exterminating undesirables from the gene pool but instead weeding them out through successive generations of selective breeding programs.

            Another way toward this goal would be the abortion of unwanted and genetically inferior fetuses inspected via genome sequencing in utero (Mattei 505). What if, to say, you and your significant other found out that you were having a baby? Mazel tov! After either celebrating or crying over your ruined life you find out that the baby, through non-invasive prenatal testing (Meehan, 87), your unborn bundle of joy, will come out with fully formed Down’s syndrome? Would you want to keep it knowing its quality of life would be hindered and even more important, your quality of life? Would you want to know this before going through with your pregnancy? Unless you are a religious zealot you’d probably opt for an abortion, thus saving your time and money and that of our American healthcare system.

            The problem that comes up most often when the subject of eugenics is that we all supposedly have a right to reproduce and every unborn child deserves a chance. What if you knew your child would not have a fair advantage due to being severely retarded or perhaps is a carrier of a terminal virus? Would you really want that child to live that life?

            My problem with our current society is that we still hold to the motto that every man (and woman) is created equal. If people would just open their eyes, they would realize that this is definitely not true. Take me for example. I’m short and heavy set. I have a predisposition to drugs and alcohol and I encompass a myriad of emotional and mental disorders. Thankfully, I have found the right treatments for my ailments but am I really equal to a taller, more athletic, genius level IQ man or woman with no mental disorders? No. In fact, my reproducing could be harmful for the population at large, seeing as I would be passing my ill-gotten genes onto a poor unknowing little person, dooming them to a life time of mental and physical anguish. Plus, a taller, sexier person is more fun to look at.

            Should I be able to reproduce and burden society with my offspring? The answer is no. That would, in a perfect world, be a crime. However, there have been advancements in the fields of genetic engineering and cell surgery to produce the best our genomes have to offer (Fox 1). However, this is still years away from being a viable option for near do well prospective parents.

            In a chat with a like-minded colleague (Erin Chamblee), we have devised a plan that would cut down on unwanted pregnancies and that of offspring with ill-gotten genetic traits. I propose that we institute a licensing program instituted by the government Board of Health. Just the way you’d get a license to drive, you should be tested and pass a survey of qualities and IQ tests in order to reproduce.

            Far be it from me to ask that all of humanity submit to these sorts of tests, but this is in a perfect world; imagine no disease, cancer, mental illness, or violence. Who knows what the world would have been like if Osama Bin Laden’s mother had to have herself, and her mate, tested prior to producing him? It would have never come to term because we would of, first, denied them the right to make him and second, as a fetus, genetically screen him for aggressive and homicidal traits Based on said homicidal traits, he would be aborted.

            I know that many people would love to become parents, but I should draw a distinction between want and need. People may want to reproduce but it’s almost never taken into consideration whether or not this would be good for humanity at large.

            I bring upon the idea brought on by evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, in response to those who oppose abortion, who introduced me to the idea of the Beethoven fallacy (Dawkins, 298). The Beethoven fallacy states that if you abort your baby, you could of just aborted the next Beethoven or Einstein. My problem with this is that for one, what if it became the next Hitler? Another thing would be to reiterate the fact that if your genealogy has no spectacular academics or family with any certain positive trait, then you will most likely produce an average to below average child.

            The idea that everyone is entitled to offspring is outdated in my opinion. Another nail in the pro-life coffin is the fact that we already have so many people on this Earth that there is already a shortage of food and medicinal care for everyone. Sooner or later a quarter of humanity will die out in a Darwinian fashion. We must think Darwinian if we are to progress in this life.

            The majority of humanity may very well oppose the concept of eugenics, but I think the Nazis using it gave it in the way that they did gave it a bad rap. I am not talking about genocide, but instead implementing a licensing program with existing human beings. Those who qualify for reproduction will be able to breed legally and those unfit will not.

            It is supposed that reproduction is a basic human right and obviously those who subscribe to pretty much any religion in existence will oppose the idea. But to them I ask, why let unfit and abusive beings reproduce and bring a child who may be overly aggressive by design into a violent and / or oppressively poor household (I say poor, both in the financial sense as well as emotionally and intellectually).  A child may be doomed to repeat mistakes that his or her parents have previously done and would do so in the sense of nature and nurture.

            The idea that a fetus must not be aborted does not actually appear anywhere in the standard King James Bible, in which most Christian religions take their teachings from. The hypocrisy of the situation is that it does however teach the concept of ‘an eye for an eye’, stating that those who commit certain crimes should not be subject to God’s punishment and mercy (he’s pretty big on that in the New Testament), but instead we as humans dole out his wrath.

            Why must we draw the distinction here? We get rid of those who are undesirable and unfit for civilized society yet we do not give this same distinction toward those who have yet to be produced via the tried and true method of sperm and egg unitization. We have the capability not to do this and it will only gain acceptance as the newer generations accept the sciences as a rock solid fact of life.

            Religion and fundamentalism are on the decline as society begins to think for themselves, but there is still a strong right in this country and it is very vocal despite its declining numbers. Hopeful successes have already come to fruition with a newly elected mostly liberal congress and forward thinking president.

            Again, as I said, I am not stating that we euthanize those less desirable than the top percent, but it would be a good start to sterilize those with a family history of vagrancy and poor living skills. It has been said that your genetics do not determine the person you are. Happily this myth is being debunked little by little every day as science progresses.

You are your genes. Do you really want to pass them on?

 

Dawkins, Richard, The God Delusion, Oxford Press, 2006

Fox, Dave, The Illiberality of ‘Liberal Eugenics’, Journal Compilation 2007, 1-25

Meehan, Mary, Eugenics Triumphant in Prenatal Testing, Human Life Review, Fall 2012, Vol. 35 Issue 4, p87-104

Mattei, Jean Francois, Humanity and Human DNA, European Journal of Medical Genetics, 2012, 503-509

Holland, Brian, Way Down The Line, Ixnay on the Hombre, 1996

Why Jason Voorhees Would Be the Perfect Republican Presidential Candidate

            With the upcoming elections, many republicans are starting to recant their endorsement for republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney. A man who flip flops so much that we have not a clue for what he stands anymore. His foreign policy is laughable and his approval ratings are so bad that his party has resorted to massive voter fraud within the system. Yes he may hate blacks and Hispanics, but does that really make a good Republican presidential candidate?

            I say we ditch the loser and bring in a qualified ringer for the position. That person might as well be Jason Voorhees. Before you get all “but he’s a mad killer zombie!” on me, I should add some of his qualifications and such. Like the issues he stands for and what he will do for our country once elected the President of the United States.

Jason Voorhees on education – Normally, we see the cream of the crop up pitted against our masked messiah and Jason’s one saving grace is that they are all stupid. Everyone from your typical redneck to the recently released mental patient has been successful at reanimating him time and time again. If elected president, Jason will dismantle higher education and cut funding for K-12 schools. Just like any good Republican, he does not want his victims to be smarter than he is, lest they question why in the world one must go out and investigate after hearing blood curdling scream in the woods. Being educated means questioning Jason’s thirty plus year tenure as America’s number one homicidal maniac. Without the uneducated masses, he would have no power over anybody. So as far as education is concerned, Jason will slash the funding and decapitate our youth.

Jason Voorhees on the economy – Seeing as Jason is an eighty’s man, he still looks back and follows the standards that Reagan has put into effect. Jason will deregulate the shit out of everything, ensuring the livelihood of the corporate sector. Jason will not bail out businesses that are failing or do not donate money to the Republican Party. He is a man of his word and his word is not a word, but heavy breathing. Heavy breathing like the heavy hand that Obama has laid out for the American people; Jason will break that hand and slide a harpoon in the hand owner’s spleen. That is how a true American patriot would act, and Jason Voorhees is a true American patriot.

Jason Voorhees on abortion and capital punishment – Jason is obviously as pro-life as they come seeing as he has yet to kill an unborn child. Some may take this as him going soft but we conservatives know that he is just biding his time until they reach adolescents, in which time comes up the issue of capital punishment. As any good Republican will tell you, a man who breaks the law in any little way deserves to be sent to hell (Unless it involves a conservative and a seventeen year old male intern in the rumpus room at the Pink Pony, then it’s merely a matter of sending them back to heterosexual boot camp). If president, Jason Voorhees will use his will and power to make sure that all pot users and pre-marital sex doers get their just deserts.

Jason Voorhees on legalization of marijuana – Um… He hates it. Jason does not want our youth dying of lung cancer before he has had the chance to carve them into beef fillet strips. However, he is pro big tobacco. He insists that all Americans smoke after pre-marital sex and after a good day at your high income producing corporate law firm. After all, it’s pretty safe in comparison.

Jason Voorhees on civil and gay rights – Just like any conservative worth his salt, he will make it so that these pesky little problems will get killed within the first twenty minutes of his presidency.

Jason Voorhees on space exploration – Obviously he’s a fan, one of the few Republicans who think that there is much to learn, and kill, in space.

Jason Voorhees on foreign policy – Upon his election, Jason Voorhees will impale most of the United Nations and make it so that only the tallest and handsomest of the bunch will get away and thus, allowing themselves to be killed in the sequel. Also as President of the United States Jason will invade peace time countries and whip out his dick to show all those foreign pussies how big his American made cock really is, before stabbing them all to death.

Jason Voorhees on big business – Jason will make sure that our American produced kitchen wear will be the best in the world, personally trying out each and every knife produced here.

            After knowing the facts, do you really think Mitt Romney was the wisest choice given our options? For this writer, the answer is no. I appeal to you, my good conservatives, to recant your allegiance to the Romney camp and divert all funding towards Jason / Freddy 2012. Do not let your vote be wasted on somebody who will actually do a worse job than our favorite movie villain. So this November, in the write in slot, vote Jason. He just may let you live.

My day back down on south Broadway.

                I used to go out a lot. I was pretty well known by the old scene crowd (although some over thirty elitists would disagree on the decade in which said old scene occurred. I’m looking at you Tom!) so when I got a little bit of money together I decided to go back down on south Broadway to the old hang out spots. It had been planned the week before with my best pal Erin; I’d buy this week if she would buy the next.

                It was a sunny Friday afternoon and to be honest I was pissed off that it had not been cooler that day. I prefer to dress up in as many layers as I can normally. Stupid weather…

 As I waited at the bus stop with Erin and her daughter Victoria I began to notice all the cracks in the sidewalk surrounding me and the anxiety was showing in my face. Erin looks over at me and begins to laugh. Apparently my little quirks amuse her. Well, better that than her being freaked out by me, which happens more often than not.

                The 0 bus came up to its stop on seventeenth and California and the two were up and ready to get on the bus, but I slowed things down by avoiding all the cracks in the ground. I do this when I’m nervous; I haven’t been down in that area in so very long. It felt like I was going to an intervention or something. I was just expecting Matt and Allison to just show up and give me lip about my three drink limit at Sputnik. It’s really not all that bad and it’s most likely in my best interests. But I just didn’t want to hear it that day though.

                The bus dropped us off on Ellsworth and Broadway and it all immediately flooded back to me. The place where Fancy Tiger was was once the home of Chielle. That was a cool place. Old time scenesters Sara Tea, Wendy Marlow, and Alisa Dowel used to own it until they went their separate ways and moved to east Colfax and then to that great boutique shop in the sky. I liked Sara Tea. I once wrote a song about her and everyone always asked why I would list such horrible drug substances in the chorus. It had nothing to do with her. It was just some of the things that I had tried to get my frequent migraines to go away; Percoset, alcohol, vicoden and cocaine. Although I wouldn’t recommend the latter because you will only want more and the high goes away after you’ve been doing it for a week. Plus it’s freaking expensive!

                Instead of telling kids that they shouldn’t do drugs their parents should just make them buy them with their own money. Sheesh!

                Anyways… We got off at our stop and head toward Go Fish on the right side of Sputnik. It’s a very good sushi place and cheap at that. If only they gave out hot towels and had wasabi bloody Marys it would be the totes! Erin and I had a cigarette while Victoria fidgeted around the entrance until we were ready. Once inside the waiter sat us at an outside table and gave us the menu and drink list. Erin had made me promise that I was going to have sake. I decided to go all out and ordered pineapple sake with some sort of honey beer. Both were disgusting but I drank them up anyways, for Erin’s sake of course. Then I drank hers and we ordered more and by the time the sushi was ordered I was pretty hammered. The proof in this pudding had to be the amount of sushi I had ordered. When it came Erin and I were speechless. Victoria pointed at me and started laughing about how much of a drunk I am. I had ordered a fucking party tray it seemed, a very, very expensive party tray.

                But life is too short to waste time grumbling about stupid and delicious decisions.

                The only cure for this was more sake. By the time we finished I had two to go boxes and an itch to go over to Mutiny Now across the street and pillage books like a literary Viking, sans the rape of course. As I signed my name on my card receipt and the waiter brought over three complementary glasses of sake, Erin and I were dumbstruck because Victoria was underage, although she was just fourteen she could easily pass for twenty one. At least now I suppose she could. Wow…

                What happened next is a source of controversy amongst us consenting adults and one adolescent. After all that jazz we headed off to Mutiny Now and I think I bought a Chuck Palahniuk book. I can’t really remember because I have so many books and I was drunk at the time. That could explain where this book about male hookers getting raped to death with dildos came from. I probably asked the owner for a recommendation or something. So far I’m at the part where the psychiatrist bangs a tranny.

                When that was over we went back across the street and into Sputniks. I was hoping to see someone I knew so I began investigating while my two female friends found a spot at the bar. To no avail I went back outside and saw that the Hi Dive was open. I didn’t want to abandon my friends but I wanted to see if I could find someone I knew. Going in was like a flash back to the old times. I can’t even begin to describe the many times I have fallen off that stage drunk… It was empty anyway except for Nathanial Radcliff and his group of two. That familiar adrenalin rush went through my head and with a smile on my face I went up to him and say what’s up.

                I got up near him at the bar; he still wasn’t paying any attention to me so I tapped his shoulder and got his attention.

                And this is what I said… “I hate you.”

                Nate laughed and slapped me on my back and asked how I’ve been. I told him that I had been diagnosed with Aspergers and that’s why I am so out there. He didn’t believe me at first but I said it a second time and he said “Whatever”, which is the best response that one could hope for with this guy. And with a smile and a heavy heart I left them be. I had nothing more to say to him and he was trying to mack on his woman so I came back to Sputnik and sat at the bar beside my friends. The bartender came up, a cute guy with a hipster beard, and asked us what we wanted to drink. Erin wanted to get the fruitiest girl drink they had and he gave her something that looked like it had been aborted by a gay pineapple. I forgot the exact name but it was definitely stronger than my white Russian. So when I finished that I ordered a long island and told the guy to cut me off after three drinks. I got my long island and started to bullshit with the bartender. After a while I asked him if he remembered me but he said no. It will take me a little while to get used to this new scene.

                Whilst drunken off my ass I decided to whip out Erin’s laptop and do my psych homework. I would have gotten a ninety if I hadn’t listened to her… And in my drunken stupor I accused her as being everything that is wrong with my life. But this was remedied with a few more sips of her strange brew. Then all was good again.

                After that it was pretty much a blur. A cab was called and I think I left a ten dollar tip for the bartender with the cute butt; he in turn hugged me with his big manly hipster arms. Either way it was a good time for all involved.

                The next morning I awoke in my underwear with no sheets on and the sushi to go containers had been left out on the floor from the night before. With a moment’s hesitation I started to eat said contents. A little day old raw fish never hurt nobody.

…

…At least nobody I know of.

Days Go By

After listening to the new offspring record for about two weeks straight I’ve actually grown quite bored with it… I love those guys but this album just didn’t click for me. Sure it’s mostly punk rock but it’s the poppy and out of style tracks that stick out the most.

The Future Is Now – It has speed, it has pizzazz, but it’s utterly forgettable.

Secrets From the Underground – Again, all shine but no substance. And since when was Dexter ever part of the underground? He grew up a rich white good looking jock; there isn’t anything underground about him.

Days Go By – I’m surprised the Foo Fighters haven’t sued these guys yet.

Turning Into You – I’ve already forgotten how it goes, but I’m sure he’s talking about turning into a large penis.

Hurting As One – Do you know pain Dexter? Like real pain? Ever wake up in a flea bag motel next to a junkie transvestite prostitute covered in your own excrement? Actually that would make him pretty hardcore.

Cruising California – SELLOUT TRACK! Yet it’s catchier than Avian Flu. The pre chorus sizzles with pretty girl voices and the chorus is so dumb it’s brilliant! It’s definitely a song you love to hate.

All I Have Left Is You – This is actually a pretty good song despite it being a power ballad. It has pianos and melodic solos all throughout, plus Dexter tries to sing low and it’s actually pretty. A definite panty dropper.

OC Guns – I really don’t want to like this song but the chorus is almost worth the effort to sit through it. Almost.

Dirty Magic – One of my favorite tracks from their second album “Ignition” gets a do over and added balls. I still like the original but this is obviously just so they can play it live now and have people recognize it. As a musician myself I know how strong the urge is to remake older songs. This time it came out great!

I Wanna Secret Family With You – The chorus is so fucking retarded and catchy that you’ll find yourself singing it to other people on the bus ride home and / or annoying your friends with it. At least that’s what I’ve done…

Dividing By Zero – This is like first album Offspring. Very fast and on the verge of speed metal. Great song!

Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell – Musically this song is completely boring. It’s the same four chords over and over again with no variation. Catchy as hell though, but if you are looking for stand out musicianship then you best go somewhere else.

Where's your God now?

Why not celebrate this 4^th of July by putting yet another nail into the coffin of Fundamentalist ideals. One common argument for us atheists is usually either “Creation scientists have proof though!” or “If there is no God, then how did everything come to be?” And the answer my friends is literally out of thin air! You see, Scientists believe that at the very spark of the big bang there was nothing but energy and primitive raw particles that would wind up decaying into the original hydrogen. But hydrogen without mass is nothing at all. We now believe that this Higgs Boson particle (AKA: The God Particle) appeared in a trillionth plus more of a second after the big bang and decayed into particles giving mass to everything.

                I’m sure I’m not 100% spot on but I think the general gist is there though.