Evolution of our wangs.

Did you know that the gene that controls toe size also controls penis size as well?

It must be true! Learn more about the elusive HOX gene here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hox_gene

Let me start this off by saying that I’d like to think of myself as a connoisseur of the male genitalia. Small, medium, large, they’re all good! Nice and cut or uncut, long or short. I don’t know how I would live without my friend the penis. I’m sure many of you even have one of your own, and for those who don’t I’m sure you enjoy them just as much as we enjoy them ourselves.

I mean, they’re great! They don’t cause men to cramp up in the middle of the month and bleed out like a deer that’s been shot. Its only purpose is to tinkle and make sex just awesome. Seriously, you should try it sometime!

As amazing as this male organ is does anyone ever take the time out to really think about and appreciate the pink torpedo?

You got to think that while it is an awesome tool it serves a basic biological function, which is to deliver sperm to the female’s uterus so it can fertilize any available eggs that may be floating around. Us men are the proud owners of a Y chromosome and very little else.

When you compare our penis sizes with that of any other primate you find that we are definitely in the lead here. A chimp’s dick only measures about three inches. Same goes for the mighty gorilla, which makes him way out of proportion! We humans average at about 5.5”-6” down in the nether regions and that is the biggest non boned package in the animal kingdom.

Did you know that they have to make special condoms for India because the males there are so small?

Yeah… But hey, they made the Kama Sutra right?

What made our penises get so long and thick? There are two theories (I personally think it’s a combination of both) that try to explain our magnificent thingamabobbers. I mean seriously, they’re awesome! Thank you Darwin!!!

Let’s start with the first theory shall we? It’s known that we have the genetic markers for spines on our genitals. Not unlike cats and dogs we used to have spines that came out of the shaft and hooked onto the female. The spines are supposed to clean out competing sperm and make way for your own. In the arms race that is evolution however it appeared that the longer and thicker the penis was the better chance you would have of fathering a young’n. You see the longer and thicker it was the more ease in which it scooped out the sloppy seconds out of the vagina!

Since we don’t have those anymore we now have a mushroom capped gland which does pretty much the same thing.  An evolutionary psychologist by the name of Gordon Gallup devised an experiment to test this theory.

For off he bought two dildos and then another one but it didn’t any top to it (it was all shaft). He got some realistic rubber vaginas and implanted a substance resembling sperm into the cavities (from what I heard it was just water and flour) and put the penises into them and mimicked a few minutes of sexual intercourse. After they were done they found that the two normal dildos scooped out nearly 91% of the simulated sperm while the headless control only brought out a meager 35%. So with this there seems to be some logic for the argument that bigger penises mean more reproductive success.

Plus you got to think practically too. A longer, thicker penis would displace a lot more semen closer into the uterus than a smaller one. Sorry fellas, size matters. At least when it comes to trying to get your best friend’s spooge out of your girl.

How did we lose our spines you ask? That’s where the second theory comes into play. There are three types of selection for evolution to thrive:

Natural selection – Nature takes its course and does what she does just to see what comes out.

Selective breeding – This is when you purposefully mate a species until something new comes along.

Sexual selection – Generally the female picks the man she wants. This is true in almost all the species of anything on this planet that reproduces by sex.

So if you were a female back in those cave days and you had two suitors wanting to have sex with you. Which one would you choose? The one with the spines or the one who would hurt less. I think that after a few hundred thousand to a million years the spines were phased out of the gene pool. This allowed for more competition since sex does feel great and it started the ball rolling for mass distribution of our kind across the planet.

After sex was made readily available for the first time (girls no longer had carotene scraping their vagina walls) we just had at it!

The idea behind the second theory is that a bigger penis just looks more attractive to the opposite sex. Just like a peacock would show off his feathers, it was impressive to see something bigger than normal so it was more enticing to mate with that individual.

A bigger thing also stimulates the vagina more, which makes it attractive to prospective females.

After we started wearing clothes this probably put somewhat of a damper on the progress by repressing our urges and curiosity.

Sex was made to feel great because without it we would die off. Of course it’s going to be one of the best feelings aside from heroin that you’ll ever feel.

Just remember fellas. Sometimes there’s a thing as too big!

Reference: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=secrets-of-the-phallus

Tall people have no feelings

Men, from an evolutionary standpoint, are major sluts. This goes for the entire male population. Not because they exhibit such tendencies but because we (as males) are biologically adept at basically having the forethought to screw anything with a hole.

Women have to be picky over their mates for practical reasons. Such things like the nine month incubation time it takes to foster a healthy baby to the maternal bond that develops even without any sort of knowledge exchange between both mother and child. Most females (if not all of them) feel something for their offspring even if it aborts. This engrained instinct ensures our survival by giving us a natural advocate for growing and being nurtured into successfully reproducing adults. Our advantage over other animals may not be as cut and dry as survival of the fittest but instead it may be the fact that we are raised and trained to be who we are sans genetics.

Other animals such as cats are born then weaned on mother’s milk. Once that period is over then the kitten is on his own. Us however have the advantage of being raised beyond that. This is of course under the idea that the parent(s) are stable both mentally and emotionally enough to pass on their skills and knowledge of the world at least until school age. Why do we ask our parents for advice? I believe it’s because we know that they were sexually successful therefore we look to them for our early examples.

Without going off point I will now focus on the male. By our very nature we are basically peacocks with available sperm. We are very sexually active due to the fact that we have so much competition from other men. Even evolution was in on the joke early on when men had barbed penises just like many other animals in the past. This was to not only inseminate the female with our sperm but to scrape out other dude’s spunk so that we would have a better chance at knocking up the female with our own genetic offspring. The same thing can still be seen as we have large glands at the ends of our penises and some believe that this is a more subtler version of the spined shafts of our ancestors.

Why are some males more successful than others? It has been studied and many scientists have come to the conclusion that females want alpha males as sexual partners but intelligent men as mates. This has been shown in tests looking at females who are on the birth control pill. The pill tricks the female’s body into thinking that it’s pregnant, therefore the need for a strong male to impregnate her is null and she seeks out a smarter and more reliable companion. However sometimes when the two people are wanting to conceive and she goes off of the contraception then she sometimes finds herself less than impressed with her selection. Her mind may say he’s perfect but her body wants somebody who can pass on strong genes and protect her and her child through the rearing years. Which is an anomaly seeing as the male is still prone to wander because of his engrained instincts.

Those who are healthier and more attractive to ovulating females are at an advantage of making more babies. Even with the advent of condoms these men still go for the healthy females in hopes of (at least biologically speaking) getting her pregnant. The male is nomadic in this sense because he is but one of many, he has to stand out in a chance to spread his genetic material around in hopes that he will procreate. Such things that promote female response is basically what we find attractive in modern males. Height, weight, penis size, and other factors.

Height means health and tall people are statistically more successful not only in sex but in the work force as well. We look at a tall fit young man and we are instilled with a sense that he knows what he is doing even though he may not. We naturally gravitate towards these individuals because it is thought that they are the panicle of reproductive success, even if he is a virgin. That’s how deep this goes. Both men and women flock towards these people without their conscious mind reasoning why.

As I said, the taller and more fit an individual the more appealing he is to both sexes. Boys look up to their fathers when they are little because the male is bigger than they are at that point. Being bigger promotes the idea that that person can protect you and be there for you because he seems to know what he is doing, therefore giving off the illusion of success even when it comes to some five year old wanting to follow in the image of his dead beat trailer trash father who beat his biological and non-biological mothers. It is this illusion that sticks with us way into adulthood.

Attractive males are more likely to get a job over someone shorter and less endowed because of this illusion. A taller fitter more handsome male will win over because we think he is more likely to do the job right seeing as he is in good health. I believe this can misfire with persons afflicted with eating disorders. Again it comes back to illusions and what our minds are really after. A sickly thin person may not be healthy but his body gives off the message (as misleading as it can be) that he is healthy and will perform his tasks better than somebody who is shorter, not as strong, and who is heavier, therefore unhealthier than the seemingly fitter individual. We are predetermined to seek out these people on a model of humanity that goes back millions of years.

Back in the day (pre homo erectus) we were hunters and scavengers who just learned how to use nature to our advantage. The taller alpha males (we’ll call them stupid frat boys) were the ones going out and getting the food, while the smarter and less physically intimidating ones were the glue that helped form the ideals of basic human needs beyond food, water, and shelter. A frat boy was unconcerned about the health of one particular female because he had so many to choose from. The nerd’s body still tried to mimic the frat boy because that is in essence inside all of us men to try and be the provider / protector. Ever see a small dog take on a bigger one in a battle of wills? Same thing, but does the small dog ever win? In nature usually not.

In response to this I believe we developed intelligence to find ways for the less physically attractive males to compensate for the features they lacked in order to woo potential mates. We now see these actions in the form of bring a girl flowers, talking to them about their feelings, cuddling, and basically anything you’ve ever done to someone you wanted in order to get laid. You may have felt an emotion behind such actions but the main focus was to bust a nut inside her and pop out a child, making it all but positive that your genes survive.

Males are naturally territorial. We will fight one another over the right to fuck someone, even if it’s just two guys joking with each other in a bar in front of a woman. Tearing each other down and exposing faults in hopes that one male will emerge victorious.

It is a myth that females (and gay males) are not fully driven by outward appearance (which I’ve said can be an illusion) because first looks are the mediator between talking to somebody and ignoring them. It’s in us all and to say that we don’t notice things like that is a lie to one’s self. It’s almost always after the fact that we delve into that person’s psyche for emotional compatibility. After all, once the deed is done then the male really has no tie to the female other than his child, which in nature means little to the male’s fidelity. Animals and humans have evolved our sense of belonging and companionship out of the need to be taken care of beyond the reproductive aspects. We barter and need to love and be loved. But why?

Obviously what’s good for the species is good for the individual. If we take care of someone else then we are helping to preserve our shared DNA. Deep down instinct is still not to the point where it can be shut off. We still gravitate toward the more imposing of persons only to judge character after they’ve spoken or performed an altruistic feat.

All males have the need to reproduce. Tall good looking males are just better at it from that standpoint of outward illusion. The conscious comes after the fact of instinct. Leaving other males behind means nothing in this sense as long as the goal is achieved.

From this idea comes the stupid jock who fucks half the high school and the male model whom girls and guys want to be with without ever knowing the mechanisms behind these urges.

It is good sense to breed with somebody who is fit and healthy and can take care of itself in the long run. Given this all other things that come after the fact is arbitrary, the dick head who never had to develop a full intelligent personality will generally have first picks, leaving those others to use other means to their advantage.

This rule applies to smaller men who are fit as well. Taller ones are just more likely to be jerks due to their size and previous successes as opposed to the smaller ones who develop nasty personalities due to perceived defects.

As intelligent human beings we can get along in a superficial sense, but deep down the fitter males know they can get laid. Making them hunters and promiscuous.

Biologically speaking, tall people have no feelings.