Interview with Bo Burbank (Bodies We've Buried)

Interview with Bo Burbank (Bodies We've Buried)

By: David McGhee

Bodies We've Buried are a heavy metal band from Colorado USA. I found them through the recommendation of a one Maris The Great.

Plus here's a picture of this sexy, sexy man!

Truly a face only millions can love. Anyhoos, I listened to them on Reverb and immediately thought about how heavy metal has become very throaty recently. I sure hope their singer doesn't get chronic laryngitis. Because that would suck. Seriously, he sounds like he is about to cough out his lungs. But I suppose that is the sound that the kids are into.

You can hear them here: http://www.reverbnation.com/bodiesweveburied

And today we sat down with Bo Burbank of said band and asked him twenty questions about life, love, and the pursuit of man whoring.

David: What do you do in the band? I'm pretty sure I heard you were a drummer?

Bo: I am primarily the drummer, yes, but occasionally I do some vocals too! I like to think i'm also the 'Looks' of the band as well.

David: Do drummers keep good rhythm in bed? Like with a chick and shit?

Bo: I would say so, unless of course you are into crazy time changes and patterns. in that case, I feel really sorry for the girl.

David: You fucking man whore... What breed of kitten would you consider to be the cuddliest?

Bo: I hate cats. there's been like maybe 3 cats/kittens in this world i've met that I consider ok in my book. other then that... Dogs are the way to go.

David: If you were a dog, what breed would you be?

Bo: Black Lab! I have a black lab so i'm probably biased but seriously, Labs are the greatest.

David: How tall are you? How fat are you? And what shoe size do you wear?

Bo: I think like 6'2" and 197 lbs. sooo pretty tall AND fat! I wear a size 13 shoe.

David: SHOW US YOUR FUCKING FEET BO!!!

David: Did you know that if your last name was Burnham, then you'd be Bo Burnham? You know, that funny tall kid that apparently cums in everyone.

Bo: Yeah.. It sucks when you are out there trying to make a name for yourself and then come to find out that if your name had been different by 4 or 5 letters, then you would have gotten your big break! Whatever that means though... I don't think he is very funny.

David: How long have you been playing the Drums?

Bo: Since I was 9... I'm 28 next month so you do the math!

David: Would you ever consider collecting rocks?

Bo: I used to when I was really young. But now, probably not. I don't want to become Hank from Breaking Bad.

David: Are you seeing anyone serious right now? If not, are you taking applications for a girlfriend?

Bo: Nope, no one right now! And if there are applications out there to be my GF, then send them on in. Haha, remember those GF/BF applications on Myspace?! Im so 

David: What is your relationship with Maris The Great?

Bo: Maris and I have been off and on for a while now. We were officially in a Facebook relationship for a while, so you know how serious that is! Right now we're broken up because he thinks I got jealous that he was going after some other guy at our last show.

David: The guitars are cool in your band. Any chance at ever doing a hair metal song?

Bo: Well, we play some metal and our guitarists have hair, so technically it IS hair metal! But no probably not, we are really terrible at doing covers.

David: Give a shout out to your favorite fish here!

Bo: I just wanna give a shout out to the mighty Alaskan Salmon.

David: If you were gay, would you be a bottom or top?

Bo: I assume, for gay guys, that both probably have their own benefits. I'm going to go with top.

David: What are some other cool local bands that you are into?

Bo: That's a hard question! Lately I've been most into Lucida Tela, The Dawn Chose Orion, Dead For Denver, and Conquer Everest

David: What kind of man are you? Mac or PC?

Bo: Mac all the way. I went to school for graphic design sooo,, it comes with the territory.

David: Check this video out and tell me you didn't see God just then!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuOvqeABHvQ

Bo: I love this movie! Don hertzfelt is an amazing animator. I remember seeing this like 10 years ago! oh and, "i didn't see god just then"

David: Do you believe in that bullshit that there's always room for Jell-O?

Bo: ALWAYS.

David: What are your favorite kinds of movies?

Bo: I love horror and comedy. If it's a comedic horror movie, then even better.

David: If you could murder anyone and get away with it, what kind of car would you drive?

Bo: Charger. If we're killing someone, might as well have a super awesome car to go with it.

Interview with Brandon Pirkle

Interview with Brandon Pirkle

By: David McGhee

Brandon Pirkle is an up and coming tattoo model from Austin, Texas. And as they say, everything is bigger in Texas! Well it sure is true for this 6'2” hottie! Although I have yet to inquire about his junk (I was told that that is not what straight people like to talk about) so instead I just comfort him with the reassurance of female boobies.

up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start!

Now that he's at ease, Brandon has agreed to talk to me about all things Brandon Pirkle! At least I hope he does. He doesn't know about this yet... But here it is!

Brandon: by the way, im from Lewisville, Texas lol

David: Shut up! Now for the questions you hot mother fucker you!

*all grammatical errors are Brandon's. Just thought you should know that.*

1: Is the Brandon Pirkle seeing anyone at the moment? If so, would she share?

Brandon: Nope, havent found her yet.

2: You like skating. I suck at skating. What advice would you give to someone who annually breaks his collarbone?

Brandon: Dont land on your collarbone. lol Land in your ass instead so that you dont break your collarbone haha

David: Easier said than done.

3: Tell us about your tattoos. Like the one on your neck. I think that's your signature look, the neck tattoo.

Brandon: its just all shit that ive learned about life. each of my tattoos have meaning (to me) and my throat one is all about spiritualism

4: What made you decide to do something so permanent?

Brandon: tattooing was just gnarly as fuck so ever since like 16 i wanted to be covered

5: Was modeling something you've always done or did it come with the tattooing skater style you manifested for yourself?

Brandon: it definitely came along with the whole tattooing/skating package so it worked out pretty rad

6: Do you color your hair?

Brandon: Nope, i used to do it black sometimes when i was younger though

7: What's your kind of girl? And be specific! You know... Hair, eyes, height, depth of cervix?

Brandon: Im picky as FUCK when it comes to what im looking for in a girl so i have this down to a point. Blonde or brunette, blue/green/ or hazel eyes, tallER but not taller than me, and right in that happy medium of "thick" and "skinny".

8: What size shoe do you wear? Is there anyone brand that makes your feet happier than others?

Brandon: Size 9, all i wear is either Vans or Toms

9: Give me a picture of your feet. Don't think about it. Just do it!

Brandon: My fucked Skater feet

Pictured: Fucked.

10: Would you ever go back to school on the PELL grant? That's how I got into college. What would you study?

Brandon: I would never go back to school. School can suck my nuts

11: Do you shave your manly body hair or do you manscape?

Brandon: i shave my arms and chest to keep the tattoos looking good and then i manscape as well (of course)

12: What kinds of music do you like? Any favorite bands?

Brandon: i mostly listen to Metal. My favorite band of all time is Suicide Silence. But the OLD Suicide Silence with Mitch Lucker as the Vocalist before he passed away. Not this new replacement bullshit. Rest In Piece Mitch.

13: You seem a little anti-government to me. Do you believe that we will all be eating each other's flesh and we'll suffer a catastrophic economic downturn and all of us will be living Mad Max style someday soon? Because that would be cool. I'd totally be in your posse!

Brandon: Im very anti government. Always have been since i understood government at a young age. and i doubt it would ever get to that point but if it ever did that would be pretty rad. good thing i play lots of Call Of Duty Zombies for practice lol

14: Do you do anything cool? Like smoking or beating chickens to death?

Brandon: The only chicken i beat to death is the one i choke everyday. And nahh all i really do is skate, get tattooed, and chill. since im still trying to get the modeling career kicked off its a lil slow as far as work goes but its gettin there.

15: Omnivore? Herbivore? Or vegan? And explain your answer. I SAID EXPLAIN!!!

Brandon: Isnt Herbivore and Vegan the same shit?.. haha i think you meant Omnivore, Carnivore, or Vegan. lol anyways im a Omnivore, the only meat i really eat is light meat like fish and chicken, and then i also eat alot of fruits and salads

David: That's a Pescatarian... Well, if you'd only eat fish and veges / fruits, which would of made it easier to classify you.

16: Are your parents still together or have they split up or are did they go MIA back in Naam?

Brandon: My parents split up when i was in the 9th grade. Mom got remarried and the Pops got a girlfriend

17: What do you like to do for fun that isn't skating and makin' bacon with hotties you freaking manwhore?

Brandon: When did i ever make bacon with hotties? i dont even remember the last time i fuckin ate bacon?.. lol but anyways, other than skating i love playing Zombies on Call Of Duty (Black Ops 2), i like getting tattooed, making youtube videos, going out with friends, and just planning on how im gunna get my ass out to Cali haha it keeps me motivated everyday

18: Give a shout out to your favorite ice cream here!

Brandon: Shoutout to chocolate ice cream with M&Ms, Oreos, Reeses, Kit Kats, Chocolate Chips, Snickers, and a Strawberry on top cause you gotta make that shit healthy

19: Would you ever consider getting a golden grille for your teeth?

Brandon: Oh, you mean like these?

Not so Little Wayne.

20: I'm out of questions... But before we depart, do you want to say anything to my tens of hundreds of readers? Anything you wanna get off your chest? Like perhaps your undying love of fall scented candles or something?

Brandon: Ummmm, hi, Im Brandon, and in a past life i was some sort of Soup-Based Food. Ps: I Love You All

And that concludes our date with Brandon. Unfortunately he did not invite me up for a night cap. So fuck him! That's right! Fuck you Brandon Pirkle!