My Alarm Cock

My Alarm Cock

By: David McGhee

I wake up at six in the morning

  Every morning.

    I wake up to my alarm cock.

It hits me in the face, begging me to play with it.

 But it's so fucking early!

   I awake to my alarm cock.

But to be truthful it's really Frank's alarm cock.

  I'm just a part time fellow myself.

    I hear they don't make them like this anymore.

      Frank is corn fed, hung like a horse, feet like a Roman emperor.

        His cock is one of alarm.

          For he owns the alarm cock.

Safe in bed and safe with his alarm cock.

  Although, technically it is mine,

    because I set the timer.

He lets me make tea. So I make chai.

  Chai gives you better blood flow to your alarm cock.

    That's if you're a dude.

      Dudes rule!

        Cocks rule!

And alarm cocks slap me in the face!

  Wake up!

I awake to my alarm cock.

  He rests it on my forehead, my alarm cock.

    Frank is inside my mouth, my alarm cock.

      It rests on my shoulder, my alarm cock

Frank puts it in my eye.

I love my alarm cock.

One day I will be a man of my own.

  And I will use my own alarm cock

    To wake me up.

      To have and to hold.

Give me my alarm cock! Goddammit, or I'll cut a bitch!!!

The Kill Switch is Engaged and I’d Move if I Were You

Woke up early and took a shower before night fall

I picked up a box of condoms at the store because

                well,

                                You just never know

This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

Watching time melt around me and I’m a little concerned with space

                You see

                                Einstein had it all wrong

Anything moving at the speed of light would surely kill us all

This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

I hear her knock, knock, knocking at my door

                I grab my cricket bat and rush to the door

She was so beautiful, like a pretty and naïve

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Her eyes see through my blueberry colored eyes

                Like imperfect blood diamonds

I raise my cricket bat and smack her down on the ground

She begs me to stop but I just can’t

                She entices me like no other lover can

This is what being horny must feel like

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Another smack!

And another!

Until she resembles my mother on her wedding night

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous