The Kill Switch is Engaged and I’d Move if I Were You

Woke up early and took a shower before night fall

I picked up a box of condoms at the store because

                well,

                                You just never know

This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

Watching time melt around me and I’m a little concerned with space

                You see

                                Einstein had it all wrong

Anything moving at the speed of light would surely kill us all

This was to be my first date and I was ever so nervous

I hear her knock, knock, knocking at my door

                I grab my cricket bat and rush to the door

She was so beautiful, like a pretty and naïve

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Her eyes see through my blueberry colored eyes

                Like imperfect blood diamonds

I raise my cricket bat and smack her down on the ground

She begs me to stop but I just can’t

                She entices me like no other lover can

This is what being horny must feel like

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous

Another smack!

And another!

Until she resembles my mother on her wedding night

This was my first date and I was ever so nervous