October 31st 2013

October 31^st 2013

By: David McGhee

12am: Still up from the day before. I was reading Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King. Notable short stories include Dolan's Cadillac, Home Delivery, and Suffer the Little Children.

The first story is about this dude who killed this dudes wife. So the dude becomes a construction worker so he can make detours and use the equipment to dig a hole in the road. Then the other dude who killed the other dude's wife goes in it and gets stuck. Then the good dude (good?) buries him alive. Then it sort of ends there. Something about years going by and him having pancakes with Jimmy Hoffa.

Suffer the Little Children was about this teacher who thinks her students are fucking with her. So instead of realizing she is a crazy bitch, she shoots the little people. Then of course the school and government officials get a bug up their ass and send her to the looney bin. Where she eventually kills herself. Something about a doctor noticing the kids with downs syndrome looking at him funny, and the end.

Home Delivery is about this dude going away to sea and drowning or some shit. And the girl in the narrator position talks ad nauseam about how he had a big dick or some shit like that. And then the man comes back to her as a zombie and she hacks him up.

I really want to read the Shawshank Redemption.

1am-3pm: I dream about cookies and panties and big ole' model boys.

3pm-4... Okay, enough of that shit

We spent the day doing jack shit and got no trick or treaters. What I wouldn't give to gets me some tall dark and legal! What? Yeah, I just switched subjects.

He works at this local chicken shack and apparently he's married. But that's only to a woman. I bet if I was given one night with him, I could make him into a sinner. He looks like a church boy. It would be cool if he was a major man whore though. Then he'd be fulfilling his evolutionary duty as an alpha male to inseminate as many females as he could during his fertile period, which would be puberty to seventy seven. What a fucking man whore! Or at least I wish. Imagine his man stuff acting as the mayonnaise on my chicken samich? Eeewww! Tall, Dark, and Legal he may be, but I always spit. Why in the hell did I even conjure that up!?

I'm turning my boyfriend onto this show on Netflix called “Supernatural.” I know it was on the CW before and... Um... Sam and Dean are awesome!!!

And shirtless. :-D

This is why no one will ever love me. :-(

Sam doesn't fuck as much as Dean does. But Dean is tall and manly just like Sam. But he uses his position in life to be a man whore. Like this one episode this little kid saw his father get killed. So Dean, being the man whore he is, helps the kid out and kills the monster and shows the kid that life is awesome. All just to get his dick wet in the mother. Oh you better believe she put out after shit like that! Hot damn! I want Dean spooge now...

From his pecker.

I had like five Butterfingers yesterday. I need to eat another one so it can be six. Even numbers are important to your health and safety. Why I even make sure that if I wake up on my right foot then I always go to sleep on my left. It's just common sense! Things like not stepping on cracks. It's not for your mother's benefit and it never was! It's all really a conspiracy from the sidewalk companies so that their sidewalks won't buckle and shit. But in reality you don't want to step on them because of the fucking panic attack that would ensue.

Your body gets sweaty.

Your mouth tastes like copper.

Suddenly all the other males want to kill you.

Why aren't I taller?

Ooh! Carrot cake! :-D

Mmm... Carrot crotch.

That was my bad, I thought I saw a rabbit. I saw a good amount of them when I went to the Miniature golfing place with Frank and Drew that one time. Fuckers went a second time without me. But I showed them!

No.

No I didn't.

Oh well. I suppose I don't deserve love after all.

Yes I am high. But on pot. It's legal here in Colorady. As is wearing socks. I like wearing socks. I wonder what Tall, Dark, and Legal's feet look like? I'd be very upset if they weren't well taken care of. For if you are an alpha male, you must have good feet to chase after prey and smaller males. To kill and eat and beat your chest like an animal! FUCKING MAN WHORE!

Back to the book though. I'm reading this story in it now about this little black lady eats this handsome writer's spooge and then her son (whom she's quick with apparently...) grows up to be a successful author. I for one know that talent and good looks do not come from eating another man's spooge. Last time I try anything fun...

But let's get serious here for a second. I'm a really awful person. I wish everything about me would change. I have severe Body Dysmorphic Disorder and I know how to use it! Seriously, every other person on this big old rock and water ball are better people than me (as pictured above). I have this recurring dream where a good looking guy is showing off in front of his blond how he can be a dick to me. Then he stabs me repeatedly and kicks me until I stop breathing. All the while the girl is telling him how sexy he is. Then everything goes white. Then to black. And then for who know's how long until the dream ends, I feel not sadness. I wish I could get that just died feeling in pill form.