Why a ham sandwich is better than a bulldog.

Five reasons why a ham sandwich is better than the bulldog I live with.

Just a little background information here. First off, this is not a loveable cute little dog. No… It is a vicious cell phone eating monster! It poops in the living room and it doesn’t take no for an answer. If it wants you to pet it, it will sit in front of you and stare at you for the longest time. If you don’t respond in a timely manner she will growl and bark at you. Then she will try to climb to the top of your head no matter how many times you throw her off!

She has her good moments though. Not many but some.

I like her best when she’s sleeping somewhere OUTSIDE of this house!

It’s not often though.

1: You can eat a ham sandwich – Ever try to eat a dog? That stuffs for crazy cat ladies and China. Here people would call animal services on you for doing the same thing you would to a chicken. Plus this thing poops a lot and I don’t want to have my mouth anywhere near that shit!

2: You can add mustard to a ham sandwich – You can’t put any condiments on dogs because they usually will lick it off before you can add the bread.

3: A ham sandwich tastes good – Especially if it’s smoked. I would imagine dogs tasting like they smell, which is just a step up from dirty sweat socks.

4: You can bring a ham sandwich with you when you travel – Sure I could take her somewhere but I’m only strong enough to keep myself from getting into trouble. Dogs are hard to control when they are stupid bitches.

Besides, you never see a ham sandwich misbehaving!

5: If you eat the ham sandwich, you can just make another! – Dogs can make more dogs too but I prefer it when there are less of them than people in this house. Plus you have to house train a puppy, you never have to do that with a ham sandwich!

That’s right! A ham sandwich will never eat your Goddamn phone and poop next to the refrigerator!

Plus the best thing about a ham sandwich is that you can add cheese on that bitch!